Thursday, May 18, 2006

Nose Hairs

If you're offended by discussions of nose hairs, please stop reading now. Thank you.

Now if you're still with me, have you ever wondered just what the point of having nose hairs is? Society dictates that it's not stylish to walk around with your nose hairs hanging out of your nostrils, so it's necessary to do some upkeep in that area from time to time lest you be labeled "unhygienic" (or however you spell that...) or, more likely, just plain "gross". The same apparently applies to old men and ear hairs.

I think historically nose hairs have served as a natural filter for the sinuses, keeping the nasty pollen and dust stuff out of our noses while at the same time trapping snot from falling randomly during important business meetings. Unfortunately, when you live in the south during allergy season (also known as the time between January and November), those nose hairs just can't cut the pollen. So, man invented Claritin, and all was well. Next we'll evolve to the point that the interior of our noses are as smooth as a baby's bottom, and our bodies will naturally produce Claritin.

Until then, every once in a while, those nose hairs get their panties in a bunch, and they get all twisted up about something. And then they tickle. Good lord, do they tickle. In fact, they tickle the snot out of the inside of my nose. And how do you discreetly fix that while working in a window office, especially when your window is on the ground level, not 10 yards from the second busiest street in town? Simple. You climb under your desk with a box of tissues and your nose scratcher** and take care of it there. Duh. And when your coworkers walk by and ask what you're doing under your desk, the only appropriate response, naturally, is the following: "I'm cleaning the aliens out of my sinuses. They like dark, dusty areas. We'll be with you in a moment."

And when the nice men in white jackets come knocking on your door, you simply sic your errant nose hairs on them. Problem solved.

**I have yet to see a commercial nose scratcher, aka a nose hair comb. It is, as of now, a figment of my imagination, but if you should notice one, please let me know immediately. No, I wouldn't like to borrow your finger. That's disgusting.

Posted by Honey :: 12:48 PM :: 2 Comments:

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