Thursday, February 22, 2007The things Mr. Honey puts up with...
The kittens and I are currently in a dominance fight over the bed. As a result, strange things happen in the bedroom during normal non-waking hours.
Take last night, for example. About 3 in the morning, I heard myself open my mouth and let loose a mighty fake snore. It was really good, let me tell you. All deep and nasal, and exceptionally loud. Lots of snorgle sounds. I figure I had a good reason for letting rip such an exceptional fake snore. Darned if I can remember what it was now. Equally strange was the fact that my nasal passages seem none the worse for it. From the sound of it, they should've at least been bleeding when I woke up this morning.
Anyway, after my polite little reminder that a) I was still in the room, and b) I was the alpha cat, I heard Mr. Honey say, "What was that?"
I vaguely remember giggling and saying, "Uh, me." And then I promptly fell back asleep. I woke up an hour later to rearrange my legs and the cats, and then slept, sort of, until my alarm didn't go off. But I still got up at a normal time.
So, poor Mr. Honey endured a not-so-restful night last night, thanks to me thinking I'm pretty snazzy with my fake snores, and me tossing and turning to rearrange the kittens. You'd think I'd treat a man who bought me 2 pounds of Godiva chocolates (on sale 40% off, no less) much better.
Posted by Honey :: 2:04 PM :: 3 Comments: ---------------------------------------
Saturday, February 17, 2007Quick! Grab that braincell!
Mr. Honey and I went out to lunch today, and I swear it made me dumber.
There was a television in the corner of the room, tuned in to CNN. We were 2 of 4 customers in the restaurant, so we could clearly hear the news. And do you know what the top stories of the day were? Yup. Britney Spears and Anna Nicole Smith. Because, like, it's so obvious we haven't had enough news about them recently. And, like, there's nothing more important than news about, like, our younger generation's role models. 'Cuz we all know all the little girls in this country want to grow up to marry rich octogenarians or fertile losers. They all want to pose naked in magazines. They all want to be interviewed by the major news networks who will later ask, "Where did things go wrong?" As if they could want anything else!
So, in the spirit of the day, Mr. Honey and I didn't wear our seatbelts on the drive home, we leaned out the windows and yelled, "WAZZZZUUUUUUPP!" every time we passed a cop or a senior citizen, and we blared classical music from the speakers in our little Corolla. We were pimpin' it, dudes. I could seriously use those braincells back. (For the record, I don't consider that to be breaking my new year's resolution on giving up celebrity gossip. I haven't clicked a single story online, I swear.)
In other news, the quote of the week from about 3 weeks ago was never fully resolved. It was kinda lame, so I don't blame you for not tuning in to find out who said it, but I'll tell you anyway now.
Mr. Honey and I were watching The Longest Yard. There's a line in the movie, something about "Hot dogs and high powered rifles, that's something you don't see everyday," and Mr. Honey repeated it, then shouted, "That's it! That should be your quote of the week."
So I gave him one of those looks and said, "The quote of the week has to be something one of us said.
At that point, he gave me one of his own looks and said, "I just said it!" And hence, the quote of the week from many moons ago. :)
Hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!
Posted by Honey :: 4:47 PM :: 3 Comments: ---------------------------------------
Wednesday, February 14, 2007V-day Curse
A man blew up his house today while trying to singe the edges of the Valentine's card he'd so lovingly planned out for his dearest sweet Sweetheart. He survived, yet his eyebrows did not fare as well. Nor did his date for the evening, who told the Honey Daily News, "I realize now I was dating a moron."
The lovely lady, who asked that we not reveal her true identity, elaborated further, saying, "Jeez, we've only been dating since Sunday. He proposed to his last 2 wives on Valentine's Day, and he was planning to do the same to me, but I wasn't born yesterday. Hopefully he's learned his lesson and proposes to the next girl on Easter."
When asked if she had any signs just how smitten the man was, she replied, "Yeah. So dang smitten he sent 4 women to deliver roses to me. If he wanted me to go gay, that's a good way to do it, having women deliver my Valentine gift over the course of the day."
As the Honey Daily News was involved in this sickening display of too-soon lovey-dovey behavior, we have cut the rest of this news story short. We hope you're having a better Valentine's Day wherever you may be, and that your bosses don't involve you unnecessarily in their misguided V-Day plans. Tune in next time, when the Honey Daily News reports on weird delivery men in the workplace.
Posted by Honey :: 1:37 PM :: 3 Comments: ---------------------------------------
Sunday, February 11, 2007Kitty Signs of the Apocolypse
My cats are speaking in tongues. The end must be near.
No kidding, I was just sitting here in my home office, minding my own business, with the door shut so they can't get in here and jump on my back (Jinx is having "mommy issues" and has this constant need to be reassured we still love her), when I heard the strangest cry out in the hallway. It sounded remarkably like, "Mommy, don't you love me? Why, why, why?" Seriously. It's worse than the talking water bottles.
I know they're only using this strange meow sound to get my attention. Like when I get up in the morning, and Jinx isn't done snuggling yet. I walk out of the bathroom and find her sitting on my pillow, staring at me with that accusatory glare that only cats know how to use. "How could you leave this nice, warm bed where we were snuggling, Mom? Now I'm going to cry and meow until you pick me up so I can purr in your arms so you know you're forgiven. I'll probably knead on you and lick you clean, too, but don't you dare come near me with those claw trimmers."
Today was different, though. Today I vowed I would not give in to the kitten manipulation. So I turned my back on Jinx as she was meowing, bent over, and turned the scale on. She leapt from the bed and jumped onto my back. I shooed her off, then turned to put my pajamas under my pillow. She decided to climb onto my arm with her front legs, and then lift her back legs off the bed, forcing me to catch her before she tumbled upside down to the floor. Yes, I know she's a cat. I know she would've landed on her feet, and I know it was only 3 feet to the ground. But she's playing with my maternal instincts. And now one of them is sitting outside my office crying out in tongues. I think I'm kitty-whipped.
Labels: kitty madness
Posted by Honey :: 9:12 AM :: 3 Comments: ---------------------------------------
Monday, February 05, 2007Got Name Tagged...
*snort* And I just cracked myself up. Name-tagged. Heh.
Anyway, thanks, K! :) I'll try to be better about getting in here to blog more often soon.
1. YOUR REAL NAME:
(You didn't think I'd really tell, did you?)
2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first three letters of your name, plus izzle)
3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three of your last)
4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal)
(It's only my favorite animal because it's so fun to say in my faux southern accent. Plus, who wouldn't want to be known as "Blue Armadillo"?)
5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, Street you live on):
6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 3 letters of mom’s maiden name)
7. SUPERHERO NAME: (favorite color, favorite drink)
Green Hot Cocoa
(for those of you paying attention, I have more than one favorite color.)
8. YOUR IRAQI NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of your dad’s middle name, 1st letter of a sibling’s first name, last letter of your moms middle name)
Are you kidding? OMNELBN? This is just silliness.
9. YOUR STRIPPER NAME: (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/body spray)
Cotton Blossom. Oooh, I like it.
10. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother & father’s middle name)
Marie Dale. Um, okay.
Posted by Honey :: 10:46 AM :: 5 Comments: ---------------------------------------