Meet My Muse

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Cinderella Psychology

Mr. Honey and I watched about 20 minutes of Cinderella last night. I wanted to see if her lips were really orange, or if it was just the old TV making her lips look orange. Mr. Honey says they're orange, but I say the old TV made them much worse, and her lips actually look pink now with a hint of orange.

But that's not my point today. My point is that, according to Cinderella, I'm one screwed up little lady. We were eating ice cream, watching the opening, enjoying ourselves. The little birds start chirping in Cinderella's ears, the mice peep out to help her get up and dressed, so she starts singing to them. And what does she sing?

"A Dream is a Wish your Heart Makes."

Mr. Honey put down his ice cream looked at me, scrunched up his nose, and said, "Babe. You're messed up."

And we needed Cinderella to tell us that? :)

At least my dreams last night were more palatable. I got to meet Jenny Crusie and Bob Mayer on their Don't Look Down tour, and then I ate Chinese food. Not bad, all in all. I can handle that dream being a wish my heart makes.

Posted by Honey :: 10:22 AM :: 3 Comments:

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Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Free Dreams, First Come First Served

Anybody need a couple dreams? I've got some I'm looking to get rid of. And darn it all if I didn't forget my dream book this morning! Of course, Mr. Honey told me my dreams have now gone beyond the help of the dream book, but I'd really like to know what some of these things mean.

Like when your friend's ex calls you fat. And you respond by suggesting she just go have fun with him and his girlfriend and see how much she likes that.

Or when you've got leftover turkey from a big dinner, and you put it in a big container of seawater and discover there are fishes swimming around with your leftover turkey. (And yup, I told Mr. Honey in my dream that I would NOT eat the fish, only the turkey, so I better not get any fish on my plate when I dished up leftovers.)

Or when you're suddenly at Disneyworld, and you're following someone to an exhibit (Jan, was that you? I think it might have been) and suddenly you're on a ride that takes you along the process of making some candy, and you stick your foot in it but that's okay because they give you all the candy that was made while you were on your tour, so it's only you eating your footprint candy and not anybody that might be grossed out by it.

Or when you just need a nice, clean bathroom but every toilet has crap floating in it. Or the other toilet problem that even I can't admit to in a public forum, because it's just disturbing. Poor Mr. Honey heard all about it this morning. Before I told him, I told him to prepare to tell me I'd lost my marbles. And then I told him about the dream. And he said, "You're weird." *sigh* So very, very true.

So, anyway, I've got some dreams I'm looking to give away. Anybody want them?

p.s. Thanks for bringing home ice cream last night, Mr. Honey!! It was just like old times. :)

Posted by Honey :: 9:26 AM :: 5 Comments:

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Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Rock the Vote

There's a very important election taking place right now, this very moment.

It's up to you to do your civic duty, to live out your patriotic values, and change the course of pop culture forever. Every vote counts. If we band together, we can all make a difference. Your children's children will be effected by this.

Please don't make me beg. Just go vote.

What if MONOPOLY were developed today? For the first time ever, YOU will help decide the future of the newest MONOPOLY game, hitting shelves everywhere late this summer. MONOPOLY Here & Now Edition is a fresh new spin on America's favorite board game.

From April 24th to May 12th, make your move to and vote to be heard! What are you voting for? We're placing 22 cities and 3 landmarks in nomination to be in the MONOPOLY Here & Now Edition board game. Vote once a day for your favorites.

Those landmarks with the most votes will earn a place on the board. And here's something important to remember: the vote totals will determine where on the board those landmarks will be placed. The top voted city will be honored with the coveted blue property traditionally occupied by Boardwalk.

So vote once each day - and tell all your friends!

This concludes today's public service announcement.

Posted by Honey :: 6:30 AM :: 5 Comments:

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Monday, April 24, 2006

Blast from the Past

Brainy Kid

In high school, you were acing AP classes or hanging out in the computer lab.

You may have been a bit of a geek back then, but now you're a total success!
Who Were You In High School?

In other news... Mr. Honey has taken to calling my little lamb Gertrude. Sorry, Mom, but I think the name's gonna stick.

Pictures of the TV to come soon. Mr. Honey snapped a good one mid-Serentiy this weekend. I just have to get the pics off his camera and then you'll all be able to see the beautiful TV stand masterpiece. (Oh, and the TV, too.)

Posted by Honey :: 9:49 AM :: 3 Comments:

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Friday, April 21, 2006

What would you do with a 50-incher?

Not that kind of 50-incher. Good grief, people, get your minds out of the gutter.

I'm talking about a television.

Mr. Honey and I don't have cable, and we don't use our tv (27-inch, 15-year-old console, thank you very much) for anything other than DVDs. Lately, though (lately being the last 2 or 3 years), we've had some issues with the DVD connector on the TV. So, we've been mulling over the idea of upgrading for a while.

A month ago we went into Best Buy to look for a Body Glove for my new cell phone (remember, the cell phone I got that assured that the end was near because I'd sworn to never carry a cell phone?). While we were in Best Buy, we figured we might as well look at new cameras, because the battery case on my camera is busted and a rubber band is only gonna hold it together for so long before it's totally useless and we have to buy stock in rubber band companies just to keep my camera in working order. So, after we looked at cameras, we decided that since we were already there, we might as well look at TVs, too, since we'd been dealing with this poor connection issue for a couple years on the TV, and there's only so many times I'm willing to watch Mr. Honey drink beer all evening, and then decide that it's time to try and solder the connector back in place on the TV even though he's only used solder one other time before in his life, before I give in and admit we have to be a new TV.

So, we're wandering around, looking at high-def TVs in Best Buy, and Mr. Honey leads me down the first aisle. "What do you think of these?" he asks. "How big are they?" I answer. "Thirty-seven inches," he tells me. "Huh. They're nice. Doesn't so-and-so have a 42-inch TV?"

Mr. Honey nods. "Yup. Let's go look at those." So, we go down the next aisle, and he asks again, "What do you think of these?" "They're nice," I tell him. I point to the back wall. "How big are those?"

Mr. Honey chokes on his tongue. "Fifty inches," he manages to squeak out.

"I like those."

He stares at me like aliens have invaded my body and kidnapped my brain. "Well, that's good enough for today. Let's go home and have a nap now, shall we?"

So, we leave the store. "So, you really liked the 50-incher, huh?" Mr. Honey says.

"Uh-huh," I say. "It's cool. It has a big screen."

"Did you, ah, look at the prices?"

Wide-eyed innocent look on Honey's face: "No, sweetie, you taught me quality is worth the price."

More alien-kidnapped-my-wife's-brains look. "Huh."

Fast forward one day. Mr. Honey is out shopping at our friendly local military (tax-free) Basic Exchange. He calls me at home. "They've got the 50-inch version of so-and-so's TV here. Price just dropped. Can I get it?"

The aliens then decide to return my brain. "What are we going to put it on? The old TV?"

Mr. Honey: "Well, yeah, just for now. I'll build a stand for it."

Me: "Stand first. TV later."

Mr. Honey: "But---but---"

Me: "Don't even think about it, Mister. I don't want my high-def, 50-inch TV on a redneck TV stand. The aliens have returned my brains. My decision is final."

Fast forward to last Saturday: Mr. Honey spends the day with a friend in his shop, constructing the base of the TV stand. Monday, Mr. Honey and said friend continue working on TV stand. Tuesday, Mr. Honey calls the BX and is told the TV is out of stock. Wednesday, Mr. Honey calls the BX back to ask when more will arrive, and is told there's one in stock, someone else was interested but couldn't pay for it. Mr. Honey dashes to BX, purchases TV, calls me to report in, I yell at him and he returns TV, applies for store credit card to save 10%, repurchases TV, and takes it home. Wednesday evening, Mr. Honey and said friend finish construction of TV stand, sand it, and apply stain. Thursday evening, Mr. Honey and said friend apply first coat of polyurethane. Today, Mr. Honey and said friend will finish polyurethane, tomorrow will sand it again, Mr. Honey will go buy new speakers, and Sunday, we will have a brand-new entertainment center with a 50-inch TV and surround sound speakers.

Now, I ask you, if you didn't have cable, what would you do with a high-def 50-incher?

Me? I'm gonna watch Finding Nemo.

Posted by Honey :: 4:14 PM :: 5 Comments:

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Thursday, April 20, 2006

Cotton Blossom

I've been using Bath & Body Works' Cotton Blossom shower gel off and on the last two weeks, and I just have to say - I love this scent. I'm sitting here basking in the fragrance. Yummy. I'm probably annoying the nasal passages of everyone within a 3-office radius, but so far no dirty looks. Nobody's gone out of their way to avoid me (any more than usual) either.

Happy Thursday!

Posted by Honey :: 10:22 AM :: 4 Comments:

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Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Weird Wednesday

Many thanks for everyone who suggested names for my little crumb-sucker lamb. Here are the finalists, in no particular order:

Mint Jelly
Pepper (short for Peppermint)

Which do you prefer?

Now, on to some freaky random weirdness.
Have you ever gotten one of those voicemail messages on your home or cell phone that thanks you for calling, assures you that your call is important, and asks your voicemail to hold for the next available representative? Seriously, why does that happen? Believe me, my voicemail did not call an automated answering service. If it did, it's being bad, and I'm going to have to discuss this behavior with it. *insert mental picture of Honey scolding her cell phone voicemail here* Stupid technology.

But technology's working for one guy. Have you heard of him? He started with a red paperclip and he's been trading up using various internet sites like Craigslist and his blog in the hopes of trading for a house. Not bad, eh?

Hope you all have a wonderful day. Allergy season is now in full force here in the south (and will be for the next 7 months), so I'm getting re-acclimated to taking my antihistimines and decongestents on a regular basis so I don't end up with the Mother of All Headaches. If I don't make sense, it's the medication talking. I promise.

Don't forget to vote for your favorite lamb crumb-sucker name!

Posted by Honey :: 9:54 AM :: 4 Comments:

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Tuesday, April 18, 2006

My Little Lamb Needs a Name

Saturday afternoon, the mailman delivered this little lamb gal to my door. She's an Easter gift from my mom. Mom found her in the clearance bin and decided she'd have a good home with me. Her sister is now living with my sister. My little lamb is a crumb-sucker. She's got a built-in vacuum to clean up table crumbs. Life is good.

Except our little lambs don't have names! I suggested Gertrude, but Mom shot that down. She said Gertrude is more of a duck name than a lamb name. If this were your little sucking lamb, what would you call her?

Posted by Honey :: 4:20 AM :: 11 Comments:

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Monday, April 17, 2006

Easter Hangover

No, not that kind of hangover. A sugar hangover. A Cadbury mini-egg hangover, to be precise.

(I hear that snickering, Mr. Honey. Shush.)

Does this happen to anyone else? I'm not much of a drinker. Dr. Pepper is my alcohol of choice, though I did partake of a BBC (banana, Bailey's, and Colada mix) yesterday along with my Dr. Pepper. Maybe that's my problem, mixing liquors. But I had to run to the store yesterday morning to pick up a couple final things, and whaddya know, the Easter candy was on sale. So, I bought a peanut-butter filled chocolate Nemo (so we could have fish with Easter dinner), a solid chocolate Dove bunny for me, and a bag of Cadbury mini-eggs. (Yes, I got a scolding from Mr. Honey when I got home for buying crack in chocolate form. But to be fair, mini-eggs are also known as "Happy Pills" when used to keep a bride calm the two days before her wedding. Yes, I know this first-hand. And yes, mini-eggs will keep from Easter until at least July.)

I told Mr. Honey that the mini-eggs were for decoration, and our Easter dinner guests would help eat them. Sure enough, if you put a bag of mini-eggs in a basket as a centerpiece on your Easter dinner table, your guests will eat them. Unfortunately, they didn't eat all of them, and since it was Easter, I ate a good number before the day was over. Yes, on top of the Dr. Pepper and BBC.

Dude, I woke up feeling like someone had smashed a hammer between my eyeballs while I slept last night. When I slept, that is, because apparently I can't have Dr. Pepper after 2 in the afternoon without it interfering with my normal circadian rhythms. This makes me wonder, were I a heavy drinker, would I have to do my drinking before noon in order to get a good night's rest? I hear they ask about stuff like that on some job applications.

So, the moral of the story today is, Cadbury mini-eggs are like crack. They're also like Pringles. Highly addictive, and once I pop, I can't stop.

Happy Easter Monday!

Posted by Honey :: 8:04 AM :: 4 Comments:

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Friday, April 14, 2006

Signs of the Apocolypse, Part... Something.

I swear on all that's holy, my water bottle just tried to talk to me. I wish I was making this up, but it's the only explanation that makes sense.

Since I don't speak water-bottle, I'm not sure what it said, but I kinda doubt it was a warm-fuzzy Good Friday greeting. It sounded kinda like, "Meeep-meep, mao-meep-mao, meep-meep-mao." Does anyone know Morse Code? I really think it's trying to communicate with me here.

You're probably wondering why I have a bottle of water on my desk. Since I don't know what it was trying to tell me, I'll tell you about my water. Every morning, I grab two quart-sized Nalgene bottles of water from home and bring them with me. I drink a lot of water. A lot. And lemme tell you, it's not an appetite suppressant like this skinny "diet experts" claim it is. Believe me, I'd know. But it wasn't my Nalgene bottles talking to me. It was The Other Bottle, the 10.1-fluid ounce Dasani water bottle from the vending machine.

So, since I bring a half gallon of water with me to work every morning, you may be asking yourself why I've got a bottle of vending machine water on my desk. Well, there's a simple answer. I bought it and put it there when I lost the fancy toin-coss game (damn... I just re-read this before posting and realized I actually wrote toin-coss for coin-toss...) we do here in the office to see who buys who water. I lost because I trusted the wrong person yesterday, and in a supreme gesture of idiocy, I bought myself a bottle of water when I bought everyone else's drink. Nevermind that I was about to leave work and still had 10.1 ounces of water left in one of my Nalgenes. But now that my Dasani water bottle has spoken, I must assume that it wasn't a supreme gesture of idiocy that led me to buy it; it was fate.

Poor little Dasani water bottle. I guess it just needed to let off some steam. Or it wanted to see if my Sydlexia would manifest itself in my blog this morning.

Posted by Honey :: 9:06 AM :: 7 Comments:

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Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Heaven in a take-out container

Warning: Gratuitous images of chocolate cake appear below. Scroll down at your own risk. (Jan, this means you. I know about your allergies to non-vegetable brown foods.)

The Side View.
Note the 12-inch ruler alongside the cake. This recovering engineer estimates the cake to be 9 inches tall when standing in formation with other slices of chocolate cake.

The Top View.

Take note of the gooey buttery butterscotch filling between each of the three layers, in addition to the layer of filling upon the top-most layer, beneath the whipped cream frosting.

A full-fledged fudgy/filling view.

Note how the 10-inch-wide container barely contains this marvelous monstrosity of a single slice of chocolate cake.

Now, drink a Dr. Pepper, run around your home/office running into walls and giggling, and you'll very nearly have completed the entire orgasmic chocolate cake experience.

**Warning: Consuming this cake while wearing orgasmic socks could lead to sensory overload. **

Posted by Honey :: 6:30 AM :: 10 Comments:

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Monday, April 10, 2006

Ode to Chocolate Cake

Oh, thick fudgy chocolate cake with your pure sugary filling between three layers, how my lips love you and my hips abhor you.
You come into my house, all sugary sweet fudgy goodness with whipped cream frosting, and offer me a bite of temptation. Can I resist you? Alas, I cannot.
I drive great distances to partake of your buttery butterscotch filling and thick heavy chocolate heaven.
I dream of you at night.
When you have gone the way of the food rental program excrement, I shall mourn you. You have been a good and true and kind friend, offering me pure chocolate sugar bliss whilst you were here, beforest you were eateneth.
I shall carry a reminder of you forever, firmly entrenched in that extra half-inch that just today popped out upon my left buttocks.
Oh, thick fudgy chocolate cake, how complicated our relationship hath become.

Pictures to come later. Of the cake, not the buttocks.

Posted by Honey :: 9:19 AM :: 3 Comments:

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Friday, April 07, 2006

Happy Real Friday!

Woo-hoo! It's finally here - the weekend is right around the corner. Yes! And Mr. Honey's coming home tonight, too. Yippee!

This week's dream theme has been houses. I'm a little concerned about my mental state, because my dream book tells me I have issues and worries about life based on the specifics in my dream. My house is making me feel claustrophobic and isolated from the world. I don't know if that means Mr. Honey can't get home fast enough, or if it means we need to get rid of more stuff so it's not so crowded in our little house that was huge when we moved in. Whatever the case, I think I need to make a conscientious effort to figure out what I can do to make myself happier in my present situation.

Anybody got big plans for the weekend? I'm helping friends move into a new house and helping Mr. Honey put on a seafood boil. Next week I'm planting flowers. Woo-hoo!

Happy Real Friday!

Posted by Honey :: 8:17 AM :: 3 Comments:

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Thursday, April 06, 2006

Happy Fake Friday

This whole daylight savings time thing has just thrown me off. Apparently this year my subconscious decided that going on Daylight Savings Time meant jumping ahead a day, not just an hour. I've thought it was the day after today every day this week. I went to bed last night, reminding myself, "Tomorrow is Thursday, not Friday" and I still woke up this morning thinking, "Yay! I get to sleep in tomorrow!" Except I don't really get to sleep in this Saturday, because I'm helping some friends move, but that's another story.

My body likes being in a routine. I suppose it's been that way since I was in grade school, and had scheduled "bathroom breaks" throughout the day. On the weekends, 11:45 would roll around and I'd drop everything to run to the bathroom. We could be sitting around watching TV, at a basketball game, shopping, whatever, and I'd have to stop it all because my bladder knew it was time to visit the potty. My mom said I was the only person she's ever known whose bladder had a timer on it.

But my point is, I still have those routines to some extent. And my body doesn't know what to think about me getting up an hour earlier than I've gotten up the last 5 or 6 months. It's still adjusting.

In the meantime, Happy Friday! We get two of them this week. Unless I want to look at it like I'm working Saturday when I get here tomorrow. Nah, two Fridays are more fun.

And just for kicks, I'd like to share the ad at the top of my gmail toolbar this morning: Alien cow abduction. - - Aliens are brittle and need milk, please help them. Quite possibly the funkiest milk ads I've ever seen.

Posted by Honey :: 8:44 AM :: 5 Comments:

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Wednesday, April 05, 2006


I try to avoid using this blog as a ranting place, sarcasm excluded of course, but the last two days, I've just been appalled at some of the things I've seen and heard.

For starters, listening to the radio yesterday, I heard a story about a teenager who's suing TGI Friday's because she convinced older gentlemen to buy her alcohol, then had an accident and fell on her face.

But why should this young lady behave any differently, when members of Congress can't even behave any better? For the record, I'm currently a resident of the state of Georgia and I'm pissed as hell about the behavior of some of our elected officials. How would Cynthia McKinney feel about the Capitol Police force if they relaxed their security measures and a nutjob with a bomb got through to her office? Nutjobs come in all shapes, sizes, genders, and colors, last time I checked. Maybe I'm in the minority here, but if I have to endure a little extra inconvenience in a security checkpoint, be it at an airport or in an official government building (something I'm also very familiar with), in order for the men and women who are trying to keep me safe to be able to do their jobs, then by all means, inconvenience me. Search my car. Search my purse. Wand me. Because if you'll do it to me, I know you won't hesitate to do it to someone who looks even more suspicious than I do. Or to someone who looks less suspicious than I do. And that could save my life and the lives of people I know and love. Suck it up, play by the rules, and do the job you were elected to do, Congress(wo)man McKinney. I helped put you in Congress, and I can help elect someone else in your spot. There's a way to make a difference, and then there's a way to make a fool of yourself. Do us all a favor and figure out the difference.

It's a sad day when I start to think our country could use some personal responsibility laws.

Posted by Honey :: 12:29 PM :: 4 Comments:

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Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Things I learned while visiting Mr. Honey on his business trip

I had a great time in Florida this weekend, partly because I got away from home and didn't think about work for 3 whole days, and partly because I was right on the beach with Mr. Honey, and partly because I got to meet my very cool CP. But I also learned a few things.

1. When away from home on business trips, Mr. Honey buys Oatmeal Cream Pies. He knows they're outlawed at home (has to do with the oatmeal-cream-pie-to-Honey's-hips ratio), so it appears he indulges while away from home. Thanks for sharing, Mr. Honey!

2. If you have to drive 6 hours in a car to get to your destination, invite a friend. Make sure he's a bad passenger so you can ride shotgun the whole way. Control freak? Maybe. But I didn't have to drive, so I didn't mind a bit.

3. A Ford Taurus jacked up on monster truck wheels is still a Ford Taurus - it just looks like it's trying to be cool. (Kinda like our minivan with the spoiler on it...)

4. Chocolate cake at the Hip Pocket Deli is still orgasmically wonderful. The Baklava rocks, too. You can't go wrong with the carrot cake, either. Yummy. (Oh, yeah, the sandwiches on the menu are wonderful, too)

5. If you plan to go to The Crepery for breakfast, because you don't have a clue where else in the South you can get cheese blintzes for breakfast, call first. Otherwise you'll get there and discover they've closed up shop and end up driving all the way to Panama City before you find something else for breakfast.

6. Hole in the wall donut shops are the best. Well worth the drive from Destin to Panama City Beach.

7. I've always known peanut butter cures my hiccups. I learned this weekend it can work for other people, too. Reese's peanut butter cups work in a pinch (like, if you don't want to walk into the hotel restaurant and ask for a spoonful of peanut butter, just go to the gift shop and buy the peanut butter cups).

8. You just never know when you'll get to witness cocktail sauce shooting out of someone's ass. This romantic comedy writer is grateful for everyday inspiration.

What did you learn this weekend?

Posted by Honey :: 8:41 AM :: 4 Comments:

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