Meet My Muse

Monday, November 28, 2005

Nancy Drew: The Case of the Sooty Ceiling

Since it's the holiday season, and we have holiday candles that we've had in storage for 3 years ("No, I don't want to burn these candles, they're the special Christmas candles") that have begun to deform, we've been on a candle-burning kick. It's great. The house smells like pine tree and cinnamon. It's great.

But Saturday night, one of our candles had a wick problem, as in the wick was too long. Or something like that, anyway. The flame was like 4 inches high off this candle that's like 2 inches in diameter. It was producing tons of soot. I'm taking so much soot, that I walked into our bathroom which is one long hallway, a bedroom, and three corners away from where the candle was burning, and the white toilet seat had weird black shapes forming on it.

Our white measuring scoops are rimmed in dusty gray patterns.

Our white bowl covers have black and gray spots on them that the dishwasher won't remove.

When I blew my nose, black stuff came out. (Sorry, probably too much information there, but for posterity's sake, I figure you need to know.)

It wasn't until Sunday morning that we understood exactly why.

Sunday morning, we looked up at the ceiling in the living room, which is the room the candle had been burning in. There were black spots all over the ceiling, except for a perfect circle around the ceiling fan. The ceiling fan that had been spinning all night Saturday night while our sooty candle burned. Drat.

So, these black spots were in a really strange pattern. Stringy, sort of, along our bumpy ceiling, because it's one of those ceilings with all that crappy bumpy stuff in it. Turns out, we've had a few more spider guests in the house than we realized, and all the webs they've woven across the ceiling attracted that soot like nobody's business.

So, the good news is that now I can see exactly what needs to be cleaned on my ceiling. The bad news is that I have to clean the ceiling. I just have to figure out how to clean up to 12-foot-high ceiling with my 5-foot-6-inch frame, a vacuum, and a serious lack of ladderage. I think a long-handled broom might be the answer, but then we get ceiling crap all over the place. Double Drat.

In case you're wondering, Mr. Honey and I tossed the evil candle. It won't soot up my house again. But now I know how to identify errant spider webs on the ceiling.

Posted by Honey :: 9:08 PM :: 5 Comments:

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Mr. Honey must be an angel



Mr. Honey is letting me put this in our front yard. It's an early Christmas gift from my dear sweet mom. It'll arrive in a big box late this week, and then I'll put it in our front yard, and giggle and grin everytime I look at it.

My mom says the neighbors will mock us.

I don't care. I like making people laugh, and I like Eeyore, Pooh, and Tigger, so this is the best of both worlds.

Now you all know my deepest, darkest secret.

Hello, my name is Honey, and I'm a Pooh freak. But it sounds different when you say it out loud...

Posted by Honey :: 3:59 PM :: 5 Comments:

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Sunday, November 27, 2005

And I'll take a side of antacid with that

Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's with Mr. Honey's family is officially over. We had a lot of fun and drank a lot of good liquor. It's been quite a while since I've imbibed quite so much. But that was some excellent wine. And champagne. And German brandy cream. And pina colada. And amaretto sour. And dessert wine. And homemade eggnog. Holy shit! And I'm a lightweight! Did I really drink all that over the course of 2.5 days? It does explain the uncontrollable laughter Friday night. And the intense desire to not go back to work tomorrow. ;)

I made the very best cinnamon rolls and caramel sticky buns I've ever made this weekend. Better Crocker is a goddess. I bow before her greatness and salivate profusely in her cookbooks. A little tweak here, powdered buttermilk there, brown sugar in the cinnamon-butter filling, some wheat flour thrown in for any health nuts in the house, and almond extract in the frosting, and WOW! I'm still on a sugar high a day and a half later. Maybe next time I'll serve 'em with a side of insulin.

Um, there's a man climbing on my neighbor's roof. I think it's time to end this for today and go gawk. And maybe be helpful if anybody falls. Gotta love hanging Christmas lights.

Posted by Honey :: 3:17 PM :: 2 Comments:

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Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Happy Thanksgiving Eve!

On this day before Turkey Day, as people across the US hurriedly get through their workdays to make one last-minute run to the grocery store and then have a meal out before buckling down to cook, cook, cook, I'm grateful for all that I have.

I have a wonderful Mr. Honey who makes me laugh so hard my sides hurt on a regular basis. And he's been working out. ;) Lay off, ladies, he's mine.

I have a roof over my head, food in my refrigerator, and clothes on my back. I can write for pleasure and fulfillment, and read for fun.

I have great friends and family that I may complain about from time to time but wouldn't trade for the world.

I'm able to enjoy downtime through a variety of hobbies, some of which have led me to online groups that have given me more than I'll ever be able to give back.

I've been truly blessed with gifts in my life. So why do we wait until New Year's to make resolutions? Why not celebrate our blessings and pledge to use them and appreciate them now, on Thanksgiving Eve, when gratefulness is at the forefront of our minds?

With that in mind, I pledge to make a greater effort in the next year to use my gifts for the betterment of the world, in whatever capacity I'm able. Anybody who wants a laugh is welcome to come along for the ride. :)

Posted by Honey :: 10:33 AM :: 7 Comments:

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Monday, November 21, 2005

Just Right


This year, Thanksgiving falls on November 24. For some reason, this strikes me as the perfect date for Thanksgiving. Maybe it's because Thanksgiving was on November 24 the first year I was old enough to understand the concept of dates on a calendar. Or maybe it's more complex than that.

Because Thanksgiving is congressionally mandated to fall on the fourth Thursday in November, there are a limited amount of dates on which it may actually fall.

November 22 and 23 seem too early for Thanksgiving. November 25, being exactly a month before Christmas, makes Thanksgiving to be more of a celebration of exactly one month until Christmas than a celebration of Thanksgiving itself. The 25th is a Christmas date. November 26 through the 29th all seem too late for Thanksgiving. Well, maybe the 26th would be okay, but anything after that is just too darn late.

Therefore, everything is right in my world, because Thanksgiving this year is on November 24th. Doesn't happen every year, you know. So I'm going to enjoy it. Just as whoever cooked this turkey did.

Posted by Honey :: 4:52 PM :: 8 Comments:

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Sunday, November 20, 2005

Inconsequential, but that's my life

Life hasn't given me a whole lot to blog about these days. Kinda sad, really. I like when out-of-the-ordinary things happen. I pick up on those things. And then I tell you all about them. I guess cleaning the house really *is* that boring.

So, here's the most interesting things I can think of to blog about today.

1. I kept getting my words confused this afternoon. I told Mr. Honey I'd help him unload the store after I stopped by to see a neighbor quick. I meant I'd help unload the groceries out of the car.
Then I told my neighbor we'd gone to Walmart to look at scrappin' tools when I'd really been in Michael's looking for a paper holder.
And then I told someone else I'd done one thing when I meant another thing, etc. etc. It's just how the day went.

2. I discovered there's a need for a 12-step program for people like me. People who went into Kirklands just once, innocently enough, and now find themselves salivating as they get close to the store, and twitching when they pass the store without going in. Maybe there's a Kirklands Anonymous Support Group I can join.

3. I betrayed my sense of proper decorum and helped Mr. Honey put up Christmas decorations today. I'm so proud of him, he didn't hardly cuss at all as the tree went up (or so he tells me). But as he was outside hanging the rope lights that I got on sale 75% off last year, it started raining. He looked at me and said, "I think this is God's way of telling us it's too early to put up Christmas decorations." Sam, I swear, Thanksgiving isn't against our religion, it's just that this year we're combining it with Christmas when Mr. Honey's family comes to town.

So, that's the most exciting things I can think of. Anybody else? Please, help me out here. I'm boring myself to tears. Normal just isn't right.

Posted by Honey :: 6:45 PM :: 6 Comments:

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Thursday, November 17, 2005

Warning, Warning: Addiction Alert

I'm a geek. Freely admit it. But you don't have to be a geek to enjoy Sudoku.

Who knew a Japanese number puzzle could be so much fun?

Be careful. It's addictive. Seriously. Just ask Mr. Honey. I sent him the link two weeks ago and haven't seen him since. (Just kidding, Mr. Honey!) Be sure to hug your children and tell them you love them before clicking here.

**Disclaimer: Consult your shrink before beginning any mental exercise program**

Posted by Honey :: 5:56 PM :: 4 Comments:

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Jingle Bells

The sunrise was gorgeous this morning. There were all kinds of purples and blues and pinks and oranges reflecting in the clouds. I could have sat in my car with my heater running and stared at it all morning. I get lost in pretty sunrises.

There's a nip in the air today, the first I've felt this season. A faint scent of hickory smoke wafted through the parking lot as I climbed out of my car when I got to work. It smells like the holidays.

And speaking of nips... if someone doesn't turn the heater up in this building, mine are going to freeze right off.

If you'll excuse me, I have to go find a thermostat.

Posted by Honey :: 7:57 AM :: 10 Comments:

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Brown & Gray - The New Black & White

Today was a very brown and gray day.

Since it's Wednesday, I wore my brown pants, brown shirt, and brown boots to work. With my brown hair and still somewhat tanned skin, you could say I looked like a walking shift. But I wasn't the only one. When I got to work today, two of the first three people I saw were also in brown.

I figure it's because it went along with the gray sky. We had a front move through the area, so there were lots of clouds overhead with some sprinkles here and there. Kinda depressing, actually. I love rain, but I'm not such a big fan of wimpy drizzle.

But back to brown. Remember last week (yes, just last week) I mentioned that sweet tart smell in the bathroom? Well, there's a darn good reason somebody put that air freshener in there. We may use the ladies room, but that don't mean our shift smells like roses, you know what I mean? So, my question is, how in the world did a whole freakin' air freshener die in a week? Maybe it was cheap. Maybe it was bad. Or maybe, just maybe, this southern cookin' isn't good for somebody in my office and that poor air freshener got worked to death. I dunno which it is, but I think I'm gonna donate a can of Lysol to the women's bathroom at work.

Aside from the brown & gray and the weird ballerina-military officer at ease dreams last night, I have to say today was much better than yesterday. It felt like I got that do-over, because all day long I thought it was Tuesday. Until an hour ago, when I started thinking today's Thursday. As long as I don't wake up tomorrow thinking it's Saturday, though, we'll be okay.

Posted by Honey :: 7:10 PM :: 5 Comments:

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Excuse me, Madame Fate, may I have a word?

I want a do-over.

It's not even close to noon yet, and already I want to go back in time and start today over. In the three hours I've been up, I've already stuck my foot in my mouth and helped a co-worker lose a document. I think I broke my office plant while picking off a dead leaf. And have I mentioned just how hungry I am? I absolutely cannot get enough food to eat these days. Mr. Honey thinks it's because my metabolism is catching up to my exercise routine. I'm back to wondering if my muse really is trying to kill me.

I think the stars have aligned to give me a bad day. But since I've identified it as such this early in the morning, I'm going to do everything in my power to turn this to my advantage.

First things first. Today, I will only leave my office for my walk at breaktime, to get my lunch at noon, and for potty breaks.

Second, I will only speak if I have something meaningful and insightful to say. Or something funny and smart-assed (which will probably be taken wrong today, but them's the breaks).

Third, I will smile. Even if only in self-deprecating humor, I will turn that frown upside down. (Holy crap, when did I start channeling that pesky woman from Office Space?!?!)

Fourth, if all else fails, I'll take copious notes and use this later in a novel. Nothing like first-hand research, right?

Anyway, that's how my day's shaping up. How's yours?

Posted by Honey :: 9:25 AM :: 10 Comments:

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Friday, November 11, 2005

When Honey just won't cut it...

Your Sexy Brazilian Name is:
NĂ¡dia da Costa
What's" Your Sexy Brazilian Name?
Yes, yes, that is my sexy bum. And, oh, I just Lo-ove that thong! It highlights my best assets...
Okay, I'll stop now. ;)

Posted by Honey :: 9:25 PM :: 2 Comments:

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About that drool on your pillow, Mr. Honey...

I never get sick.

Okay, the truth is more like, I never admit when I'm sick.

But Wednesday I had to admit I couldn't take it anymore. The dizziness set in, along with a general sinus headache and a yucky belly. So I bailed on the day job and went home to sleep it off. Got home, called Mr. Honey to tell him I'd taken the afternoon off, and crawled into bed.

An hour later I woke up with half my face soaked along with my pillow. So, I rolled over, grabbed Mr. Honey's pillow, and went back to sleep. Really, why am I going to drool on my own pillow when his was right there? And an hour after that, his pillow was soaked. And I was starving.

We've decided my ailment was brought on by overdoing it at the gym (grrr to my muse, made me strain my neck to the point that muscle swelling cut off blood flow to my brain) coupled with an increase in metabolism and a bad time of year for sinuses. Self-diagnosis is great. So, I'm back on my medication, I'm taking some time off of the gym, and I'm eating a lot.

Yep, this is the life. :)

Posted by Honey :: 9:00 PM :: 2 Comments:

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Wednesday, November 09, 2005

When is 100,000 less than 500?

I'm a nerd. A proud, self-confessed, would-be-pocket-protector-wearing-if-I-were-male geek. I love numbers. I even get excited when I memorize a new phone number (yes, the day job has made seven- to ten-digit numbers fascinating to me). Along with numbers, I love puzzles, which brings me to the question of the day:
When is 100,000<500?

Any guesses?

Okay, then, here's the answer. 100,000 is less than 500 when you're writing query letters and synopses. Why? Because it seems so much easier to write the first 100,000 words in a manuscript than it does to actually write the documents that will put said manuscript in front of someone who could help me get it published.

It should be easy. I know the formula. Give me a math formula and I'll solve equations all day long. But this formula is different.

GMC? Check.
Major turning points? Check.
HEA? Check.

But it won't leave my head by way of my fingers on the keyboard. My fingers become paralyzed, as if saying, "No, Honey, we don't think this is a good idea tonight. It's not a strong enough sentence. It doesn't summarize the point correctly. There's a better word for what you're trying to say, but we're not going to tell you what it is."

I'll try again tomorrow. Maybe inspiration will strike in my dreams tonight. Stranger things have happened, you know. :)

Posted by Honey :: 7:19 PM :: 3 Comments:

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Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Seven Reasons I'll Need a Publicist

On my walk home from the visit with the muse, I started thinking about tag lines I could use to market myself. I decided I'd share them so you could get a good laugh too.

So, here are the seven reasons I'll have to hire a publicist one of these days:

1. Sweet treats for your funny bone
2. Add a little funny to your Honey
3. Sugar for your lips without the inches to your hips (Somebody want to tell my muse that?)
4. A little Honey for your funny bone
5. Funnies for your sweet tooth
6. Tickle your funny bone with Honey
7. Life Happens... with style (because 'Shit happens with Style' just isn't appropriate.)

Seriously, recommendations for improvement are welcome. Please. :)

Posted by Honey :: 9:32 PM :: 3 Comments:

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Karma

I must've pissed off the sugar gods with yesterday's post. Seriously, it's the only thing that makes sense.

Why else would the women's bathroom at my office smell like SweetTarts today?

Posted by Honey :: 5:22 PM :: 4 Comments:

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Monday, November 07, 2005

The Cookie did it, In the Office, With a Glass of Milk

I had another one of those dreams last night where I'm flying. I love those dreams. I take a running start, flap my arms, and whoosh! Up I go, soaring over the grass, the trees, dodging big funny pieces of machinery, etc. Last night I ended up at work, getting hollered at by some big guy with a vein popping out of his forehead. It seems I was expected to miss a Very Important Meeting, and if I missed it, there would be hell to pay.

Then I woke up, thought, "Dammit, I hate waiting until 12:30 for lunch. Good thing the leftover Chinese food will last. Stupid Important Meeting." And I rolled over and went back to sleep and returned to my dream. At which point I realized I was dreaming, looked at the Big Boss Man and said, "This sucks. I wanna go fly again." And I left.

So I have to wonder... if I can fly in my dreams, what in the world am I eating before I go to bed to induce this? Today the answer came to me in a pounding all across the left side of my face. Sugar.

I woke up after my flying dream with the worst sugar hangover I've ever had. Forget alcohol hangovers (I'm such a lightweight when it comes to drinking that I tend to avoid it). This was a full-fledged peanut butter cup cookie hangover.

This sugar hangover was so bad, the very thought of sugar makes me want to run for the nearest salad bar. But it certainly answers the incredible NON-shrinking boob question. Guess I have to watch what I eat in addition to working out if I expect anything on this body to shrink.

Which leads to my next point: I've figured out why the name Honey Bumpers speaks to me so. Honey, for both how sweet I am (*cough, cough*) and for how much I like sugar (when it's not giving me hangovers), and Bumpers for the nickname I have now given my hips, thanks to the aforementioned sugar. (I didn't think Honey Fenders had quite the same ring.)

Posted by Honey :: 4:33 PM :: 6 Comments:

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Sunday, November 06, 2005

Taking a Breather

Mr. Honey (who says the name is appropriate since he's so sweet) mentioned that I hadn't updated this blog in a couple days. So I figured I'd fill you in on my week.

Since I wrote so darn much in October, I gave myself a week off of writing as a breather. I planned to do a little editing and start reading up on query letters and synopses. Instead, I'm not sure what I did this past week. Wow. A whole week of my life has just disappeared. Interesting.

I sent Alter Ego off to a few of the AG's this week for comments. Thanks, AG's! :)

I made dinner a couple nights. I think I did, anyway. Can't quite remember.

I had Mr. Honey pick up Chinese food last night when he was on his way home from running errands and getting a new bike.

I cleaned my bathrooms. Holidays are coming, you know. That means guests. Gotta keep the house clean.

I think that's all. If I'm lucky, this week will be more memorable.

Posted by Honey :: 4:46 PM :: 3 Comments:

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Thursday, November 03, 2005

GMC - His, Hers, Mine

On my way to my every-other-daily meeting with my muse today, I got to thinking about Goal, Motivation, and Conflict. What do my characters want, why do they want it, and what is preventing them from getting it? And then I thought, hey, if my characters have to have GMC, what's my GMC? What do I want, and why, and what's keeping me from getting it?

It's a question I don't thinkI want to answer for myself. But I just might have to face it if I want to finish my newest wip. There's a lot of me in my main character.

Her goal: to figure out what she wants in life.
Why: Because she feels her life has no sense of direction.
What's holding her back: How's she gonna know what direction to take if she doesn't know where she's going?

Yep, and this is supposed to be funny. But since I'm a klutz, and I live with the funniest man in the world, I'm sure I'll be able to lighten the mood with semi-real-life experiences. Besides, life changes direction all the time, right? So what if I don't know today where I want to be 40 years from now. I'm sure life's gonna take me down some interesting paths before I get there. I'm just along for the ride. :)

Posted by Honey :: 8:25 PM :: 2 Comments:

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Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Incredible Shrinking Boobs

Three months ago, I discovered by accident that my muse lives at the gym. Since this discovery, I've gone to the gym an average of 3 times a week. I've also typed nearly 300 pages. You could call it a fortunate accident. :) I have to get in shape if I want to write.

But for three months of working out, I only have 2 pounds in weight loss to show for it. Usually when I lose weight, the first place it comes off is my breasts. Naturally the first weight would come off my breasts, because they're also the last place I gain weight. Such is life in a barely-B cup. I can usually tell when I've crossed one of those losing or gaining lines, because my breasts will tell me. This time, however, they've decided they don't want to shrink.

In the last two days, two people have independently asked me if I've lost weight. It's a nice feeling, to think that people have noticed those two pounds have gone missing. But I haven't noticed them missing. I'm still a slightly-larger than barely-there B. I have yet to get ready to climb into the shower, glance in the mirror, and wonder where they've gone. Some would say it's because I've toned that I look slimmer despite not having lost any weight. I say, dammit, I want to see the numbers on the scale go down, too! I'm a woman! Why do my arms have to look like fit cannons if my behind needs a wide-load sign?!

I think my incredible non-shrinking breasts are telling me it's time to lay off the Halloween candy. Maybe then they'll cooperate with my master plan for speedy typing and smaller body.

Posted by Honey :: 8:00 PM :: 4 Comments:

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