Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Bo-oring!

Last Friday, I set up my practical joke. A friend of mine brought a fireman's hat from Firehouse Subs into the office and left it on a coworker's desk after he'd gone for the weekend. I added a note, cryptic like Inspector Gadget's old assignments, inviting said coworker to be a fireman for the day and wear the hat around. Then I stamped it, "This document will self-destruct."

And he didn't come into the office yesterday.

And I was late to the office today, so I didn't get to see any reaction when he first saw it.

And he didn't breathe a single word about it all day long.

Damn. Now I have to see if I can keep my big mouth shut long enough to outlast him, or to forget. Either that, or see if I'll get a lecture about bomb threats in the workplace. It's anybody's guess these days.

Posted by Honey :: 4:36 PM :: 6 Comments:

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Monday, February 27, 2006

Like sleeping on a cloud

While we were out shopping and prophesying (is that a word?) the apocolypse, we got some new pillows.

I haven't slept this well in weeks. Who knew what a pillow could do?

Thanks, Mr. Honey, for remembering that we needed new pillows. *kissy kissy* You're the bestest.

Posted by Honey :: 12:23 PM :: 2 Comments:

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Saturday, February 25, 2006

More signs of the apocolypse

It's gotta be coming. I did two things today I've been resisting for years.

First, I got my own cell phone. With my own number. And I have supreme authority to enter phone numbers for my friends into the address book.

I didn't want a cell phone. I like being unreachable. (Yes, this means work will not be aware of my cell phone. Or, they'll be aware of my cell phone, but not my cell number.) I don't want to be one of those "important people" who have to be reachable everywhere, at all times. Matter of fact, I'm not that important. I have no unique knowledge about anything that involves life or death situations that will only be remedied by being accessible by cell phone. End of story. But now I've got a cell phone anyway.

Now, for the next recent sign of the end of the world approaching.

I bought panties and bras today.

I'll give you a minute to recover.

Feel better now? :)

I haven't bought bras or panties in 3 years. It was time. But I kept pushing it off, because I figured as soon as I broke down and bought new undergarments, some biological force would impede in my life and cause me to change sizes. So, maybe this isn't a sign of the apocolypse. Maybe it's a sign of impending failure of contraceptive methods.

Hope you all have had better than "Prophecy of Doom" days today. :)

-honey

Posted by Honey :: 9:39 PM :: 9 Comments:

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Thursday, February 23, 2006

How to Mess with your coworkers, Part IV: Super-Secret Spy

Over the weekend, Mr. Honey and I went to the International Spy Museum. It was cool, but my brain went on overload about 40 minutes into it. Talk about a lot of history! Plus I got to crawl through an air duct. Awesome stuff, dudes.

At the gift shop, I picked up two stamps that I'm absolutely dying to use at work. The first one says, "This document does not exist." Super-cool spy lingo, don't you think? The second stamp is more Inspector-Gadget inspired: "This message will self-destruct."

Too bad we work in a "paperless" environment. Also too bad I indirectly work for the government. They'd probably think my report was really a bomb if I used that second stamp. *sigh* For the record, it's been quite a while since I've played any pranks at work. This could be a lot of fun. It would honestly be the first time any assignment of mine had ever truly led to people running from a building screaming. Er, other than me, that is.

Oh, well. Back to the grindstone.

Posted by Honey :: 8:21 PM :: 4 Comments:

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Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Poor Mr. Honey

It's 7 PM and I'm not sure where my pants are. Actually, I'm fairly certain I'm wearing them, but I can't stop giggling. And Mr. Honey is stuck in an airport, unable to enjoy me in my sleep-deprived, slap-happy, pre-tears state.

My left knee quit working. *pause for big Honey giggles* I was walking down the hallway, and *poof* it quit working. So I had to, like, thrust my hip to get my left leg in front of me, then kinda hope it didn't bend, and take a step. *more giggles* I think it'll work again in the morning. It just sorta fell asleep. Yeah. *giggle* It fell asleep.

Mr. Honey and I played tourist in our nation's capital this weekend, and the travel and weather changes have kicked my rumpus. (My roommates for Nationals may take this as a warning.) *giggle*

I got to meet Jos! She ROCKS! We had a great lunch. :) I can't wait for Nationals. It's gonna be AWESOME!

Oh, yeah. A warning for my roomies - I have issues when I get tired. Like my knee falling asleep. And uncontrollable slap-happy bad jokes and giggling. I think I might twitch, too. I have never tried Dr. P to cure this. We may have to see what it does, though. Otherwise uncontrollable sobbing may follow. Mr. Honey knows. It's hilarious. No, seriously. When I get this tired, I get really slap-happy, followed some length of time later by crying if I don't go to bed first. I'm damn ugly when I cry. My face scrunches up all weird and I get blotchy and my voice gets really annoyingly high-pitched and my lower lip sticks out so far I can cross my eyes and see it clearly. Mr. Honey laughs. I do, too, because it's stupid to cry because I'm tired, but it's just so darn funny. And I don't know why I cry when I'm THAT tired.

But tonight I'm just giggling uncontrollably. And picturing Mr. Honey sitting behind me sighing into his hands and muttering things to himself like, "Yup, that's my wife," and other things I haven't picked up on yet.

Posted by Honey :: 7:12 PM :: 7 Comments:

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Friday, February 17, 2006

***Breaking News:*** Actress Wears Fat Suit and Doesn't Complain of Being Shunned

Last week I blogged about armegeddon coming. This week comes more definitive proof.

While granting interviews for "Date Movie," actress Alyson Hannigan donned a fat suit. And instead of talking about how people stared at her, she reports that they introduced themselves to her. What is this world coming to?

Further evidence: She granted interviews here and here, yet never once complained about the fat suit. In fact, she even seemed to embrace it! Is it possible that *gasp* she actually has a personality? And her personality *gasp* speaks louder than her weight?

Excuse me. I have to go lie down and contemplate this for a while.

Posted by Honey :: 5:36 AM :: 5 Comments:

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Thursday, February 16, 2006

Cross-eyed Naked Cruising

A week ago, my dreams were about James Bond and flying. This week, they're about boats, ships, sailing, and being naked.

Yesterday I had a dream that I was living on a cruise ship. I think it's one of the Carnival ones currently being used in New Orleans for Katrina relief efforts. I know this because I was some kind of welder or something and I had to do some work on a ship dock. I think there were bad people involved, but I can't recall now.

This morning, Mr. Honey and I were returning into the port of Miami on a cruise ship. I had just taken a shower and I was naked. Everyone was walking around. I couldn't get my bra on because the straps had shrunk and it wouldn't reach around my whole body. I think I had this dream because my friend Jan blogged about body image yesterday. (p.s. Jan, I swear I'm gonna put a regular link to your page up here one of these days...)

Then I got up this morning and reached for my new set of contacts. I popped 'em in my eyes. And the world was blurry. So I popped 'em out, switched 'em (yeah, I know my right from my left at 6:30 AM), and now I can see again.

And Mr. Honey thinks I'm weird. Go figure.

Posted by Honey :: 8:00 AM :: 5 Comments:

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Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Meet LG

Meet LG, short for Little Green SLOW! Man. He's been residing in our front yard for about a month now.

See, we live in a neighborhood that's supposed to be family-friendly. In other words, the speed limit in our neighborhood is 15 miles an hour, for the very reason that kids are supposed to feel safe playing in their front yards. But we have a few neighbors who believe they're "above the law," and who don't have any problems informing you of their superiority, so when Mr. Honey and I saw LG in the store last month, marked down to $5 (can you believe it! what a bargain!), we picked him up by his handle and proceeded to the checkout lane.

A friendly neighbor made him hip by putting his cap on backwards, and we filled him with water to keep him from blowing over in the wind. But Saturday, LG had a bit of a problem. Somebody stole his flag.

When we got LG, he had a nice orange triangular flag, just in case the neon green wasn't enough to get somebody's attention. And Saturday afternoon while we were out, his flag mysteriously vanished out of thin air. As you can see in the picture, there's LG, but his flag is nowhere to be seen.

Miraculously, the flag reappeared Monday night. And we're glad he's got his flag back. He seems complete again.

LG has become part of the Honey family. He makes me smile everytime I turn my corner and see him standing there in my barren flower bed. Hopefully when little Honeybuns come along, he'll still be there, watching over us all.

Posted by Honey :: 6:30 AM :: 6 Comments:

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Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Random Ramblings

I don't really have anything profound to say today for Valentine's Day today, but I'll try anyway. :)

Dunno about you, but a Roman Catholic Church converted into an inn just doesn't scream "Romantic Getaway" to me. What do you think? Could you stay here?

Mr. Honey and I were talking about Valentine's Day the other day. We agreed we wouldn't do anything big this year - we'd rather save up and surprise each other sometime when we're not expecting it. (Right, Mr. Honey? I love you!) But if you're totally anti-Valentine's Day (or just curious), check this out. Or might I suggest a bonfire? I burned a picture of my sister's boyfriend one year on Valentine's Day. It was very therapeutic. She didn't realize the benefits until she dumped him a couple months later, but I felt better about the stupid-head immediately.

Whatever your Valentine's plans, I hope you have a wonderful day!

Oh, here's something new: Talk about bad news on Valentine's Day!

Posted by Honey :: 8:14 AM :: 5 Comments:

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Sunday, February 12, 2006

Too Cool

It's my blog shirt!

Thanks to my friend Mel for the link.

Go to Snap Shirts to design one of your own!

Wouldn't it be fun to have a "wear your blog shirt day" at Nationals?

Posted by Honey :: 7:51 AM :: 6 Comments:

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Friday, February 10, 2006

Huh?

I've lived in the south long enough, I thought I'd discovered all their weird little idiosyncracies. Apparently not.

Last night, a friend of mine relayed a story about something that happened on her way into work yesterday. It happened around 7:30 AM. She was minding her own business, walking from the parking lot to the building, when she noticed the aroma of hamburgers. Grilled hamburgers.

As she walked further, she passed a couple grills, where men were busying grilling... hamburgers.

She walked into the building and came across a table full of... hamburger buns.

So, logically, she turned to the lady keeping an eye on the hamburger buns and said, "Hamburgers? For breakfast?"

The lady stared at her like she'd just asked the stupidest question in the world. Like, where do I go to buy peanut butter? Or, isn't Barry Manilow hot? And the lady replied, "Uh, NO. It's sausages on a bun."

So, tell me. Have you every heard of sausage patties on a bun for breakfast? Not on a biscuit, mind you. On a bun.

I'm telling you, the world is coming to an end.

Posted by Honey :: 7:35 AM :: 4 Comments:

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Thursday, February 09, 2006

The Sky is Falling - The End is Near

It's the apocolypse. Run for your lives.

Barry Manilow has the Number One Album of the week this week.

And now for some happier news, I've made quite a spectacle of myself this afternoon, without even trying all that hard.

Mr. Honey swung by my office and picked me up for a lunch date. We went out for Mexican. I ordered a taco and fried rice. No MSG, please.

When my Mexican rice came, I tossed it down my jacket sleeve. Thank goodness it wasn't the salsa.

Then Mr. Honey dropped me back off at work, left, and promptly called me to remind me I'd forgotten to take the iPod from him (we have joint custody Tuesdays and Thursdays), but as I was answering the phone, I somehow managed to knock myself in the cheek with the handset. So, instead of saying, "Hello?" when I answered the phone, Mr. Honey was treated to a nice, "Oooowww!"

As I was trying to peer down at my cheek (eyes crossed, of course), I noticed that my nose had something hanging out of it. Yuck. Damn allergies. I had enough booger trouble yesterday, I didn't need a repeat today.

But none of it matters. Because the world as we know it is coming to an end.

Posted by Honey :: 1:47 PM :: 8 Comments:

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Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Double-O Dreams

I've had at least two dreams in the last week about James Bond/Mr. Honey. And I don't know where in the world the parts about James Bond came from.

In the first one, I was playing a video game against James Bond, who had dressed like Darth Vader. My player was killed almost right away, and then it was James Bond-Vader's turn. He did some funky move that sent his character soaring into the air and right into the next level. And then I was there, in the game, in the next level. And people were shooting at me. So I ran with Mr. Honey/James Bond to the Bond Car and we all climbed in and it flew away. Then I woke up.

This morning, I had another dream about Mr. Honey-Bond. We were flying somewhere in a blow-up, non-motorized airplane. Think "The Flintstones Fly in a Rubber Boat," and you've pretty much got what I was flying in with Mr. Honey-Bond. As we passed over some military institution, we realized there were people in trouble. So, he jumped out of the plane and left it to me to fly it all around the compound. When I met back up with him, I wasn't in the plane anymore, and we'd picked up somebody. So, I whipped the deflated plane out of my backpack, and Mr. Honey-Bond groaned. "Dammit, where are the three boards to make it fly?"
So I looked at him and said, "It's alright. I can make it work with my mind." So, the three of us climbed into the deflated plane, it blew up into a real inflated plane, and we started moving. Then all the bad guys started shooting at us. Mr. Honey-Bond said, "They're gonna shoot us down! We're not gonna make it!" and I said, "Nonsense. I can control the bullets with my mind." And I did. I got a dart in my arm, but it didn't hurt so I just pulled it out and we kept going, flying until we were over a whole fleet of military ships. We were almost out of it when I woke up.

My favorite part was that I could make a blow-up plane fly with my mind. I am invincible today.

Posted by Honey :: 6:30 AM :: 8 Comments:

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Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Comfort Food

I got a bit of what I considered to be bad news today. It's not my bad news, and in fact, it's "none of my business" (it's always none of your business when friends date people who aren't good enough for them, until they break up with the ignorant, selfish, domineering jackass, in which case it was always your business and why didn't you say something?). At any rate, it's got me craving comfort food.

Here's my list today:

1. Pringles
2. Lumpy mashed potatoes (made with lots of butter, the dry ranch dressing mix and whipping cream)
3. Peanut Butter cookies with those mini-peanut butter cup chip thingies.

Unfortunately, I have none of those, nor do I have the ingredients to make them. Guess I'll have to settle for a steak 'n' french fry dinner with leftover boob for dessert.

What's your favorite comfort food?

Posted by Honey :: 4:17 PM :: 2 Comments:

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Sunday, February 05, 2006

Superboob XL

Later today, I'm going to a Superbowl Party. I'm in charge of dessert. Never let it be said that I'm not an open-minded woman.


It started simple enough, with two cake mixes and two tubs of frosting. I know what you're thinking - wow, that's a lot of cake.

You have no idea.



Step 1. Assemble ingredients.
Step 2. Separate batter into batter bowls.
Step 3. Bake



Step 4. Cool.

You're probably wondering right about now what I'm planning to do with two bowl-shaped cakes. Be afraid. Be very afraid.




Step 5. Cut each cake horizontally into 3 layers.
Step 6. Fill with raspberry cheese-cake type mixture.
Step 7. Frost with canned vanilla frosting.




It's all coming into focus now, isn't it?

Step 8. Add nipples.

She's kinda pasty, and uneven, but who isn't this time of the year? Mr. Honey's been out of pocket the last two days. Can't wait to see his face. :) Hehehe...

Posted by Honey :: 11:21 AM :: 9 Comments:

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Friday, February 03, 2006

***Geek Alert***

Exactly 4 weeks from today is my birthday.

The past few years, I haven't made a big deal about my birthday, because, really, once you hit 21, what's the big deal? Now you can gamble, drink, vote, buy lottery tickets, and be considered an "adult" in your own right. (Okay, 25 was cool, too, because the insurance rates dropped and I could rent a car without signing over my firstborn to the devil.) But this year, I'm celebrating my birthday, because the geek in me demands that I must. This year, it's a big deal.

I've always thought the date of my birthday was cool - 3-3. It doesn't matter if the form asks for the month or the day first, I never get it confused. And I've always had a particular fondness for the number 3, probably partly as a result of my birthday. But this year, I'm turning 27. That's 3 cubed. 3 to the 3rd. My birthday day to my birthday month, or vice versa. How cool is that?!?!

And as I only have four weeks left until my birthday, I've gotta get some research done this month. I wanna be able to apply for my PRO pin at RWA by the time I'm my birthday cubed.

If I haven't lost you yet in my descent into geekdom, I need to give credit where credit is due: I never would have thought of this had I not noticed Diana Peterfreund's blog about the same thing.

Posted by Honey :: 8:12 AM :: 4 Comments:

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Thursday, February 02, 2006

New Chair Smell

I got a new desk chair! I got a new desk chair! Mr. Honey brought it home and put it together for me while I was at work today. Woo-hoo! I'm so excited. This one actually fits my bum right.

Mr. Honey and I have been married long enough to have rightfully acquired much more furniture through purchasing it ourselves than we actually have. But since we have such generous family members, the only purchases we've made of our own furniture since we've been together (until today) were four kitchen chairs, two end tables and a coffee table, and... wait, I know there's something else... Crap. I can't think of what it is. Point is, we haven't bought much furniture. So this is a big deal. Oh! I remember one thing - we bought me a craft table for my sewing machine and scrapbooking (no comments, Mr. Honey - I see you snorting there). Oh, yeah! And we bought a couple bookshelves. Naturally.

My chair is so cool! I can set it to the right height, and I can tilt it in all kinds of freaky crazy directions. It also kinda smells like new chair. But this rocks! Now I'm like, all official and writer-y. I have a new desk chair. Woo-hoo!

*See Honey do the funky chair butt wiggle in excitement*

Hope you all have had a fantastic Thursday, too!

Posted by Honey :: 4:21 PM :: 3 Comments:

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Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Engineers, Architects, and Hunger

Mr. Honey, the source of all kinds of wonderful and wacky what-nots on the world wide web, sent me an email today that blew my mind. Canned goods art.

Have you ever wondered what you'd get if you combined engineers, architects, and a food bank in a contest to raise hunger awareness? No? Well, I'll let you contemplate that a bit, because if you know engineers like Mr. Honey and I do, you know they're capable of some truly outrageous original ideas. Outrageous, unbelieveable, altruistic, awesome ideas.

See, Canstruction has done exactly that. According to the email Mr. Honey sent this morning,

Architects and engineers compete to see whose team can build the most spectacular structure using little more than cans of food at Canstruction, the 13th annual NYC Design and Build competition in New York. The exhibit at New York Design Center is open to the public. At the end of the competition on 23 November 2005, the 130,000 cans that are part of the exhibit will be given to the Food Bank of New York City.

Canstruction is a national charity and has similar competitions each year in over 66 cities throughout the United States and Canada. For more information, visit http://www.canstruction.org/

Here are some examples of the entries from this past November's competition. Aren't they incredible??

Look! It's Can Kong!

This bears an uncanny resemblance to a lobster.

Do you think this mermaid can do the can-can?

Holy crap. That's all I can say about this one.

My favorite - M&M's

Posted by Honey :: 5:30 PM :: 2 Comments:

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