Meet My Muse

Friday, March 31, 2006

Squirt

So, we're here in sunny Florida right now. Mr. Honey's on a business trip, and I came down for the weekend. I'm having a great time. :)

We just got back from dinner, where the food was pretty good. Can't argue with fresh seafood in Florida, can you?

Since there were ten people in our party, and there was a party of 35 (yes, thirty-five, 3 - 5) in front of us, our group got split amongst 3 tables. Being with the thrify and wise people that we were with, the group decided to do some table arranging. We turned all the tables 90 degrees and tried to push them together, but the wait staff stopped us. Apparently it's a "fire hazard" to have the tables arranged differently. That's cool. Wouldn't want to get trapped in a fire, so we put the tables back into their original configuration.

So, we get the tables back, and everyone starts choosing seats. No big deal. Except, apparently I was the only one who noticed that a big plastic bottle of cocktail sauce had fallen into one of the chairs during the process of moving all the tables. And the dude who picked that chair didn't notice the bottle there in his seat. So he sat on it.

And cocktail sauce shot out of his butt.

Or so it appeared.

I'd like to continue, but I can't. I'm laughing too hard at the memory.

(**Note: No humans were actually touched by the flying butt cocktail sauce. But it did leave a good long red streak on the floor...**)

Posted by Honey :: 10:28 PM :: 5 Comments:

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Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Life According to the Underwear Oracle




What Your Underwear Says About You



You have a lucky pair of underwear. And you wear it more than you should.



You're comfortable in your own skin - and don't care to impress anyone.

The Underwear Oracle


Surprised? I'm not. ;)

Posted by Honey :: 8:52 PM :: 4 Comments:

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Monday, March 27, 2006

The Great Furniture Hunt

Mr. Honey and I went furniture shopping on Saturday. I think I'm almost back to normal today.

We're in a weird situation right now. We've lived here longer than we've lived anywhere else together. And we're moving in about a year, to some new random location and into a house with as yet undetermined dimensions. And we both want new furniture and decorations.

So, we spent Saturday trying on furniture for appeal value in its own right, not based on where it would fit best in what room, but just based on what spoke to us. (Side note: why is it that which speaks loudest to us also siphons the most from our pocket books?) We only hit 4 furniture stores, but that was enough to do us in. We've found a bedroom set we like, and we've agreed we won't be upgrading the living room or dining room while we're here. I like to know what's available, develop my tastes from the pool of available furniture applicants so as to not suffer later from buyer's remorse. Mr. Honey likes to make the decision and be done with it, never to look back. We're working out my issues with not being spontaneous, and he's working on being grateful that his hair isn't long enough to pull out in frustration. ;)

But a funny thing happened after leaving the furniture store. We went to a local festival and had a good time. Usually we both get dehydrated, don't find anything we like enough to pay the prices they ask for it, and go home and take a nap. This time, we found some gorgeous oriental prints (later got incredible matching frames at Michael's) for the bedroom, and a few small prints of some local landmarks with gorgeous colors that took my breath away. Mr. Honey got a beer and I got some baklava from the "International Food Festival" featuring Greek and American cuisine, we picked up some soy candles to avoid another sooty ceiling incident, and we went along our merry way to research the bedroom set we liked. You know, see if we can find it cheaper elsewhere.

Hope you all have a great week!

Posted by Honey :: 9:58 AM :: 3 Comments:

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Friday, March 24, 2006

iPod Fun

Inspired by Kait:


Put your iTunes/iPod on shuffle.

Say the following questions aloud, and press play.

Use the song title as the answer to the question.

NO CHEATING.

1. How does the world see you? "The Thin Ice" Pink Floyd. (Am I that cranky today?)

2. Will I have a happy life? "Anyone who isn't me tonight" Kenny Rogers (So, only if I'm not me?)

3. What do my friends think of me? "Master of Puppets" Apocolyptica (Boy, that stings... I'm not a nice person today. At least it wasn't "I'm a Bitch")

4. Do people secretly lust after me? "Blackjack" Ray Charles (Only when gambling?)

5. How can I make myself happy? "Don't Cry for Me Argentina" Nature Quest (I think this means I need to worry less about how other countries view me.)

6. What should I do with my life? "Deportee (Plane Wreck at Los Gatos" The Highwaymen (Either I have very depressing music on the iPod, or I shouldn't fly...)

7. Will I ever have children? "It would have been wonderful" Various Artists (Doesn't sound promising)

8. What is some good advice for me? "Eye of the Tiger" Survivor (Not sure I wanna do anything with a Tiger's Eye...)

9. How will I be remembered? "The Night I called the Old Man" Garth Brooks (wonder which old man that is?)

10. What's my signature dancing song? "A Groovy Kind of Love" Phil Collins (OMG, I used to play this on the piano when I was 13)

11. What's my current theme song? "River Deep, Mountain High" Celine Dion (Guess I got me some high & deep goals, huh?)

12. What do others think is my current theme song? "Two Pina Coladas" Garth Brooks (ROTFLMAO!!! Uh, Cabana boy...)

13. What shall they play at my funeral? "Having a Party" Rod Stewart (Because they're celebrating my wonderful life, right?)

14. What type of men do I like? "Bittersweet Symphony" The Verve (Guess I got a thing for the bittersweet ones... Mr. Honey?)

15. How's my love life? "Opportunity to Cry" Willie Nelson (um, only because it's so good)


Wow... between my dream book and my iPod, I can see there's a lot of reflection I need to do on my life. ;)

This was fun, K!

Now please excuse me while I seat-boogy to "Joy to the World", Three Dog Night.

Posted by Honey :: 9:09 AM :: 4 Comments:

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Thursday, March 23, 2006

Tagged a week ago, Answering now

Hi, I'm Honey, and I'm a procrasinator. For more on that topic, see Lucy's blog. Lucy not only tagged me, but today she's talking about procrasinating. Hey... is that a hint? ;) So, without further ado...

Four movies you would watch over and over:
Princess Bride
The Emperor's New Groove
Ever After
Office Space

Four places you have lived:
FL
MO
MN
GA

Four TV shows you love to watch:
(Now, this is a little embarrassing... I don't actually watch "TV". But I'll make something up, don't worry.)
Firefly (Mr. Honey bought it for himself on DVD, and I'm so glad he did)
MacGyver (Mr. Honey got it for Christmas on DVD)
Buffy the Vampire Slayer (I'd watch it on DVD if I had it...)
Alias (Again, I'd watch it on DVD if I had it...)

Four places you have been on vacation:
Banff, Canada
Kauai, Hawaii
Disneyworld
Italy

Four websites you visit daily:
The Alphabet Girls
RWA Online
Kait's Chaos
Dilbert

Four of your favorite foods:
Applebee's Blondie
Biscoff Cookies
Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
Gelato (in Italy)

Four places you would rather be right now:
Venice, Italy
Kauai
Somewhere in the Rockies
My house

Tag four friends you think will respond:
Kait
Ellen
Aura
Anybody who's up for the challenge. ;)

Posted by Honey :: 9:37 AM :: 5 Comments:

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Wednesday, March 22, 2006

A Southernism Gone Wrong

First, I confess, I feel like a damn Yankee today. (FYI, according to the southern people I work with, anyone from "up north" is considered a Yankee. Anyone who moves to the south and doesn't appear to have any intentions of leaving is a Damn Yankee. I will move away from here one day, I just don't know yet when that day will be, and today it feels like an eternity away. But this is all beside the point.)

Second, I'd like to confess (if you haven't figured it out already), that my humor is sometimes of the same caliber as a 4th grader. If you haven't hung out with 4th graders lately, then I'll just say I still laugh at the word "fart". Wait... I haven't hung out with 4th graders recently. I wonder if they laugh at that at earlier and earlier ages nowadays?

Third, here's the meat of my story, the whole point in calling this post "A Southernism Gone Wrong". I heard once that the reason people from the Midwest (such as myself and Mr. Honey) don't have "accents" is because they pronounce words exactly like their phonetic spelling in the dictionary. I have no idea how true that is, but I like to claim it makes me have no accent. At the same time, I realize that after a year of living in Minnesooo-oooota and adopting their long "o" into my speech, followed by 3 years now in the heart of southern country, my language can best be described as something analogous to "Mutt-speak". Have you ever heard a Midwestern-Minnesotan-Southerner talk? No? Try it sometime. ;)

Anyway, this morning I heard a word that I've always pronounced the same. I say it the way my mom and dad taught me, the same way Mr. Honey says it, and I'll say it that way until someone gives me a really good reason why I should say it any differently. The word in question? Pecan. Yup, the nut. And since there are lots of pecan trees around here where we live, I think it's only fair that I can talk about pecans and how people around here say the word.

I call it a pu-kahn'. People around here call it a Pee Can. Pardon me for saying so, but a Pee Can just doesn't sound real appetizing to me. Would you want to eat a Pee Can? Or discuss what Pee Can do? You want some whipped cream on that Pee Can pie? Now, I don't mind if people call it a Pee-kahn, or a pu-Can. But please, in the interest of preserving the dignity of a major agricultural export of this region, please don't call it a Pee Can. At least, not to us damn Yankees.

I promise, I'm gonna do that tag thing from Lucy real soon here. One of these days. I swear.

Posted by Honey :: 12:08 PM :: 4 Comments:

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Thursday, March 16, 2006

Yes, I'll have a blue week to go, please

I'm sitting here this morning, feeling guilty for not having blogged in almost a week, and I realize all I've done this week is wear blue shirts. Okay, I'm not actually feeling guilty about not blogging, I'm feeling kinda down because I haven't had anything "blog-worthy" to write about, nor have I been inspired by much other than my underwear failing me at the gym last night. When I say I got my panties in a bunch, I mean it literally, and it wasn't pleasant. Have you ever tried 12 minutes on a stair machine when your panties were in a bunch? (Side note: while there, I saw a 42-year-old woman who looked no older than 25 taking a lesson from a personal trainer to get herself back into exercising. You go, girl!!)

Anyway, back to blue. I've worn blue shirts all week long, and I'm at a loss to explain it. Until I realize that half my wardrobe consists of blue shirts, and then it makes perfect sense. Make no mistake about it, though - tomorrow I'm wearing green. Kelly green. Mr. Honey, now would be the appropriate time to run for the hills. I know how much you hate going out in public with me when I wear that color, but, sweetheart, it's just one day. And I won't go around shouting, "Hey, I'm wearing Kelly Green! Look at me, world, I have no fashion sense!" I promise.

Happy Thursday!

(I've been tagged by a certain someone to be named later, so look for more soon. Like maybe late tonight when I'm back from my 15 straight hours of work and other commitments...)

Posted by Honey :: 7:37 AM :: 2 Comments:

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Friday, March 10, 2006

Friday Funny

I don't know why it's in the news today, but both FoxNews (in their Out There section) and CNN are reporting that the inventor of the cubicle is sorry.

I'm sure Dilbert fans everywhere are smacking their foreheads and letting out a resounding, "DUH!"

But since it's Friday, and we're discussing cubicles, I'd like to take this opportunity to invite you to check out Think Geek. More specifically, Geek Cube Warfare Toys.

I sense an office revolution coming...

Posted by Honey :: 2:37 PM :: 6 Comments:

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Thursday, March 09, 2006

Such a girl...

I was getting ready for work this morning, wishing it was Saturday already, just as I have every morning my alarm's gone off since Tuesday. Since today is a non-hairwash day (I subscribe to the every-other-day methodology), I used the guest bathroom which has a full tub and more maneuvering room. I use our master bathroom on hairwashing days, because it's a stall just the right size for getting all 2.5 feet of my hair wet along with the rest of my body. Perfect system. And poor Mr. Honey gets all confused when he's home because one week I'll wash my hair Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and the next week it's just Tuesday and Thursday. But we're working on that. I'd post a schedule, except every once in a while I get lazy on a weekend or have an accident or other event to force two hair-washing days in a row.

But that's not the point. The point is, this morning I pulled the shower curtain back to turn on the faucet in the shower, and promptly freaked out.

There was a spider in the tub.

Sure, it's smaller than the size of a penny, legs included, but it was a spider. And it was in my bathtub, and I was standing there ready to adjust the water to the right temperature and step into the bathtub, but I was not, under any circumstances, going to shower with a spider this morning. And with Mr. Honey still on his business trip, I had no one but myself to rely on to take care of the problem.

So, I did what any red-blooded girl who screams bloody murder when she finds a spider in her shower would do. I turned the water on him. It was a brutal fight, but it was the only way to get rid of him without having to deal with spider guts. I. Hate. Spider guts. Actually, I hate all bug guts. Best day with those silly palmetto bugs that I ever had was when I found one sitting on the toilet (no, I'm not making this up). Sprayed that puppy with raid, he fell in the toilet, and I flushed him. Bu-bye, big ol' ugly palmetto bug.

Back to the spider. He got me thinking. I'm 5'6" tall, weigh what a healthy big-boned American girl with 15 pounds to lose should weigh (come on, you didn't really think I'd disclose my weight in public, did you?), and this little spider was a tiny little thing that probably didn't weigh an ounce and probably couldn't have bit me even if he wanted to. So, why was I so scared of him?

It's society's fault. They give us movies like Arachnophobia and teach little girls that it's a man's job to kill all the bugs in the woods before we go camping. What would our ancestors from just a hundred years back say about how I behaved with this spider? They'd probably think I was a stupid useless girl who couldn't find her way out of the woods without a compass to save her life. Or maybe even with a compass. Er, they'd probably be right. But I'll tell you what I can do. I can teach people how to put borders around cells in Excel. I can fix Powerpoint presentations. I can communicate with friends (that I may never meet in person) all over the world instantaneously. I'd like to say I can outshop anyone, but I'm not that much of a girl.

My spider this morning was just a simple reminder of how complicated life's gotten. A hundred years ago, his ancestors had never seen the inside of my drains. I'm going to hell.

Have a great day!

Posted by Honey :: 8:49 AM :: 7 Comments:

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Monday, March 06, 2006

Muse Gone Wild

I should've known she'd be cranky after neglecting her for three months.

I've been back to the gym a grand total of 3 times (regularly) to visit the ol' muse, and what's she pull today? She decides my heroine in My Quarter-Life Crisis needs a stalker. And it should be Spidey.

So, I argue back, "But can't a story be a story where the heroine kicks mental ass instead of physical ass?"

She says, "Sorry, dude. Not my problem. I give you the ideas. You have to figure out how to make them work yourself." Then she pauses, inspects her perfectly manicured nails (how come SHE gets perfect nails and I don't?? And she's also got nicely proportioned hips, too. Dammit.), and says, "But I might have an appointment open next Wednesday to discuss this further. Have your people give my people a call. We'll discuss it over sweat."

Some days, I wish I had a normal muse. But then again, normal is boring. So I guess that means life is good. :)

But now she's mad at me - I missed Multiple Personality Day. At least only 6 of my 8 personalities are unhappy that we didn't celebrate. And I'm pretty certain I can convince two of them that it's really supposed to be today... Guess that means I'm only half mad at myself.

Posted by Honey :: 5:38 PM :: 6 Comments:

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Saturday, March 04, 2006

A brief review of the beginning of my 28th year of life

Wow, that's a boring title. Turn 27, and all the humor leaves me. But it does sound sort of aristocratic and scholarly, doesn't it?

After the initial shock of beginning my birthday with the hiccups, things got better. I did my hours at work and went home. I talked to Mr. Honey on the phone a lot. :) (Hi, Mr. Honey! I hope you're feeling better today.)

My neighbors threw me a great birthday party. If you've never put Hidden Valley Ranch dry ranch salad dressing mix into your mashed potatoes, you're missing out. Those make for some really tasty potatoes. Those mashed potatoes are 3/4 of the reason I asked for a ham dinner for my birthday. :)

And then I opened presents. (Hehehe...) A friend of mine (the one I made the boob cake for) got me the coolest book EVER. It's a dream dictionary. Man, did we have fun with that one! It's gonna be great research material.

And then we sat around and listened to stories that made our sides hurt from laughing so hard. Seriously, if you're over the age of 21, and don't have a friend who did everything in the book to try to give his parents a heart attack as a teen and can tell the stories with a straight face, go find one. Really. The stories about him drinking gas when he tried to siphon it the wrong way... priceless.

And then I called home and told my mom that I wrote a book and gave her the link to this blog. Oh, by the way - Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad! Hi, Mini-Me! Hi, Other Sister Who Doesn't Have A Nickname Yet Because We're Too Old For Me to Call You Brat In A Public Forum! (We'll work on that, shall we?) And it was cool - my mom is going to read my book today! And then I woke up this morning and realized the word "electroejaculation" exists on about page 14 or 16, and I freaked out. But life goes on. She'll love me anyway. (BTW, note to the fam - here's a link to the explanation of my personalities. You might find it illuminating.)

Oh, yeah. I learned something yesterday: I need to remember my audience when I announce that I'm undergoing a lifestyle change. To me, that's a pleasant way of saying I'm going on a diet and exercise plan. To my friends and neighbors... well, let's just say they were worried about how poor Mr. Honey would take the news. LOL!! And this after I "came out of the closet" with my writing... Hmmm. Must seriously rethink some of my wordings...

And if you're still with me... Check this out. With a box of tissues nearby.

Happy Weekend!

Posted by Honey :: 8:10 AM :: 6 Comments:

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Friday, March 03, 2006

The Big Day

I'm sitting here listening to The Gourds' version of Gin & Juice and reflecting on my morning so far. (Thanks for letting me have the iPod while you're gone, Mr. Honey - this song ROCKS!)

As I was waking up, I was in this dream with MaryKate and Ashley Olsen (and it is with much hesitation that I actually admit to this in public) and in my dream I kept losing my cookies (to put it delicately). Maybe it was a subconscious link to the discussion Mr. Honey avoided having with me last night about biological clocks.

So, I got up, because those dreams weren't anything I really wanted to visit on the morning of my coolest birthday ever.

And then I got the hiccups before even leaving the house.

But they say things come in threes (especially on your cubed birthday??), so when I dropped my Nalgene water bottle on the way into work, I figured I'd be done with the bad stuff first thing and able to enjoy the rest of my day. Here's hoping! :)

Posted by Honey :: 7:23 AM :: 8 Comments:

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