Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Saved by The Great Peanut Butter

Once upon a time, in a land called Officeville, there lived a fair maiden named Honey. Honey was a somewhat content maiden, having learned her place in Officeville and settled into her standard routine. In the mornings, she would send out missives to her acquaintances, check in on other acquaintances, and brace herself as she listened for word of the comings and goings and catastrophes in the great world outside of Officeville. In the afternoons, she used a magic paintbrush to change shades of gray to shades of whites and blacks, and sometimes she would also type in a Great Document, or retrieve Important Information. In the evenings, she retired to her cottage to laugh with her true love. In other words, Honey lived a boring life, but with a wonderful companion.

Then there came a day when the skies grew dark, thunder rumbled across the land, and nary a drop of rain fell. "Woe is me," Honey cried, "whatever could the fates be trying to tell us? Or," she continued, dropping to her knees in consternation, "could it be that karma has come knocking at my doorstep?"

No sooner had she finished her wailing than she found out what The Great Fates had in store for her. It was a small uncomfortable feeling at first, then it grew suddenly and exploded forth from her lips. Honey, you see, had been caught by The Great Hiccup Monster.

"Oh, Great Fates, I beg of thee, take the Hiccup Monster from my midst," Honey cried. "I swear to the Karma Gods that I'll do anything!"

Her pleas did not fall on deaf ears, for soon there was seen a rainbow breaking through the clouds. And floating on the rainbow was the largest glob of golden goo Honey had ever seen. "Have no fear," the glob of golden goo said, "for I am The Great Peanut Butter of the Sky. Hold hands with me, and you'll never face The Great Hiccup Monster alone again."

Nearly fainting with relief, Honey reached out and grabbed onto The Great Peanut Butter of the Sky. Almost instantly, The Great Hiccup Monster disappeared into nothingness, leaving blue skies and perfect temperatures once again in Officeland.

"Oh, Great Peanut Butter, you are my hero," Honey cried. "How may I ever thank you?"

"Just find me some good Jelly, sweetheart, and I'll be yours for eternity," The Great Peanut Butter said.

"Oh, Great Peanut Butter, we shall have a long and fruitful life together," Honey said. "You're wonderful. My true love shall love you, too, and we shall all spend our days and nights in happy companionship."

"Wonderful," The Great Peanut Butter said. "And I can get gum out of your hair, too."

At this, Honey did faint dead away in pleasure. Never again would she fear either the Great Hiccup Monster or the Sticky Gum in Hair Monster. And they all lived happily ever after.

Posted by Honey :: 7:43 AM :: 4 Comments:

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