Monday, October 23, 2006

Dreams and Past Lives

I've been thinking about my dreams, and I've decided I must have been a superhero in a past life. Except I don't think it was here on Earth. It must've been on another planet where they had cooler superpowers. Stuff better than firing peanut butter and jelly sandwiches out of regular guns. Because seriously, what harm could a peanut butter and jelly sandwich do when fired from a regular gun? Even though they came flying out of the gun whole in my dream the other night, in practical application they'd probably disintegrate in the barrel of the gun, and then you'd have a gunky bread-jelly-peanut butter mess in your weapon.

If you think about it, being a superhero in my last life makes sense. In my dreams, I can control poisonous darts with my mind and fly just by flapping my arms. I can also wake myself up to escape from scary monsters. We won't talk about the dreams where Mr. Honey does something to piss me off and then when I wake up I'm still mad at him. I think those are a self-destructive anomaly. Or maybe it's my super-weakness. Every superhero has a weakness, right? Maybe being mad at Mr. Honey for nothing is mine.

But that does make me wonder... Was I a good superhero, or was I a bad supervillain? I think being a supervillain would've been more fun, but I'm not a tortured enough soul to have truly been evil in a past life. Unless I've already paid for my sins in another subsequent previous life. Maybe in that life I was a cockroach. Maybe I just let my cats kill my cousin over the weekend. Maybe that's the payback. Or maybe I was a superhero after all and I accidentally killed an innocent while saving three hundred thousand billion million other people, and that's why I have this big guilt complex. Yeah, that makes sense.

But this cockroach thing has me thinking. If we have past lives, are we still related to the people we were related to in our past lives? Seriously, could Mr. Honey's uncle's wife's brother have been my cousin's father's postman's illigitimate daughter? Well, probably not, unless he was a hermaphrodite, but that's beside the point. The point is... I need to think less about my dreams and past lives, and go find a SuperHoney suit in order to rid the current world of evil. We'll start with the extra pounds that Halloween candy inevitably brings about. In the meantime, enjoy your Monday.

Posted by Honey :: 8:28 AM :: 4 Comments:

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