Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Is That Your Phone?

Oh, no, I'm sorry, I was mistaken. That wasn't your phone ringing. It was my bullshit meter.

I was surfing the news this morning when I came across this. It seems we have a new form of addiction to worry about: cell phone addiction.

Children are being neglected because their parents spend every waking minute on their cell phones. Productivity at work is falling. People have separation anxiety when their cell phones are surgically removed from their hands. These poor people! We must do something for them! They're unable to help themselves!

What's next? Twelve steps to kick a cell phone addiction?
Step one: Admit the cell phone rules your life.
Step two: Believe in a power greater than the cell phone.
Step three: Decide to devote cell phone time to a greater good (like blogging, or watching DVD's, etc.)
Step four: Take a moral inventory of your electronics
Step five: Admit to our neglected children, families, bosses, and that guy we ran over while text-messaging an entry to a contest, that we need to stop trying to look like cyborgs
Step six: Be ready to surgically remove the microcircuits from our ears
Step seven: Ask the robotic surgeon to do a nip and tuck on our less attractive parts while under the knife for electro-suction
Step eight: Create a database on our pda's of all those people we have offended with our cell phone use
Step nine: Send a mass email apology using the database created in step eight, promising to never again use the cell phone to cyber-live.
Step ten: Continue to update our database, adding names with each call that we take and answering the phone with "I'm sorry, I was weak! I can't resist when I hear Jingle Bells toll on my phone in July!"
Step eleven: Pray to the electronics gods for something to replace the cell phone addiction we've almost kicked.
Step twelve: Share our journey with other cell phone addicts through the ever-present voicemail message left on our phone: "This is Honey. I can't take your call because I've kicked the habit. My brain cells are recouperating from the microwaving they've gotten over the past (fill in the blank) days/months/years. If you'd like to hear more, visit my website and blog, download my podcast, and tune in to public access channel 386 for my video presentation on the twelve steps to freedom from cell phones in a cell phone age. May Sony and Toshiba bless you."

Argh.

In other news, as my friend PJ Trader posted earlier this month, Sprint has declared July to be Cell Phone Courtesy Month (and mixed some marketing in with their "be courteous" message, of course). Check it out here.

Best wishes for a happy and bad-ring-tone-free day.

Posted by Honey :: 8:15 AM :: 6 Comments:

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