Friday, August 04, 2006

Evil Mothers

My mother is driving me crazy. (Yes, Mini-me, I know you'll probably tell her about this, but I don't care. It's true.)

Two nights ago, I was sitting at home, minding my own business, either writing or reading (I can't remember which but it had to be one of the two, since that's about all I've done this week), when My Mother called.

"Honey, I'm standing in Farm & Fleet, and they've got a sign up for Springer Spaniel puppies for sale," she says.

"That's nice," I say, thinking why is she telling me this? Why is she tempting me with something I obviously can't have if Mr. Honey and I are spending a month out of the country later this year?

"Want me to bring you one when we come visit next weekend?"

"No." Yes. No. Yes. DAMMIT, why can't my eight personalities agree on this?

"Are you sure? It won't be any trouble."

"Sorry, Mom, I gotta go. One of my neighbors just stopped by..."

Sixteen years ago, before Mini-Me came into the world, Mom & Dad brought home a little Springer Spaniel puppy for Easter. He was adorable, wrapped in a little Easter basket, and I got to hold him first because everyone in the family knew that as soon as my little sister, she-without-a-good-nickname-because-we're-too-old-for-me-to-call-her-a-brat-in-public, got her hands on him, nobody else would get to hold him for hours. We had another Springer Spaniel at the time, who would later leave the family when it was discovered that she and a four-year-old Mini-Me were incompatible, but we of course gave the most attention to the puppy for a while. His name was Kodi and he was the best dog I've ever had. It's been a year and a half since he went to heaven, and I still tear up thinking about him sometimes.

So all day yesterday, my mother emailed me, taunting me.
Mom: "You sure you don't want a puppy? I'll bring him down to you. It'll be no problem."
Me: "You're the devil."
Mom: "It'll be so much easier to train him on your tile floors than it will be when you get a house with carpet in a year."
Me: "GET BACK, SATAN!"
Mom: "I think it's a great idea for you to get a dog. Great training for children."
Me: "Mr. Honey's gonna kick your a$$."

And today it continues.
Mom: "Did I mention the puppies are related to Kodi?"
Me: "Waaaaahhhhh! I miss my Kodi!"
Mom: "Jeez, sorry, didn't mean to make you cry. So, you want a puppy? What's a good name for a manatee?"

I don't understand it all, but Mr. Honey's coworkers think we should get the puppy. And I think I've turned my mother to the dark side. She's writing erotic manatee stories now. (Okay, I made that up. But I'm sure Mini-me thinks it's funny. Right, Bubbles?)

Happy Weekend! I'll be fighting the forces of evil. What are you going to do?

Posted by Honey :: 10:14 AM :: 4 Comments:

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