Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Asses

I mentioned to Mr. Honey at lunch today that I have dealings at work occasionally with this guy who's just an ass. But when I assured Mr. Honey that he's in no way ever been as much of an ass as this guy, Mr. Honey got offended. So that made me wonder, what's with men and being asses?

So then I realized it's a recurring theme in my life. Sort of. See, in my current wip, I've thought about having my hero mention to my heroine that all guys who are asses know that they're asses, and they're generally proud of it. But why is this?

Is it a guy thing to be an ass? Is it a sign of their machoness that they can be the biggest ass on the block? I think there should be a law that if your personality has too much ass, your body shouldn't be allowed any. Er, any good-looking ass, that is. I wouldn't mind if more asses had asses as big as their ass-egos. Then you could see them coming.

For the record, yes, Mr. Honey can be an ass. But overall he's a great guy, and I accept the ass-ness because his good qualities outweight the assy qualities. But I suppose I should ask for Mr. Honey's sake that you not tell any of his friends that I told you so. Might ruin his ass-putation.

Labels: asses, writing

Posted by Honey :: 1:25 PM :: 3 Comments:

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Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Note to Self

Remove lid from pitcher before attempting to dump ice into said pitcher.

The same procedure applies for all pictures and all forms of ingestable liquid, also to include their solid states. Gaseous states are excluded, but only because humanoids rarely drink gases from pitchers.

Posted by Honey :: 2:33 PM :: 2 Comments:

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Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Idiots Vacuuming

In today's version of the Honey Daily News, which we've learned should really be called the Sporadic Honey News, we take you to Honey's Harrowing House of Employment, where the janitorial service was recently replaced by a new housecleaning team. This intrepid reporter discovered that it's never a good idea to mix business and friendship, especially when other bad judgement is involved.

As it turns out, the janitorial service was sacked (the reigning kings of the mop and dustrag weren't in the back pockets of the building owners as the newly crowned service is), but not the maids themselves. Thus, the change was management-based, and the new management couldn't stomach forcing 2 incompetent maids to join the unemployment lines. The day after the managerial menagerie, witnesses at Honey's Harrowing House of Employment reported no change in the building conditions. After three weeks of dusty floors and dirty glass, the new janitorial management is baffled. "But I raised their pay and talked to them," the glassy-eyed friend of the building owners and new boss of the maids told the receptionist. "I talked to them. I just don't understand why they're not wiping down all the horizontal surfaces and vacuuming the carpets."

The receptionist is reported to have smiled sympathetically and offered an encouraging, "It's just so hard to find good help these days," when the new cleaning boss asked her how the building looked. The Honey Daily News was unable to convince the receptionist to vocalize her true feelings on the subject, but the impression of this intrepid reporter was that she was not impressed with the new management's decision to hire the same people who got the last management fired.

In other news, Honey's cats have both turned green as a result of sitting too close to an open window. Damn pollen. Happy Spring.

Labels: Honey Daily News

Posted by Honey :: 8:00 AM :: 3 Comments:

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Monday, March 19, 2007

Southern Fried Mr. Honey

Mr. Honey and I were standing in our computer room this morning before work, just looking at our sleeping kittens. Jinx had curled up on my chair, and Saffron was asleep in Mr. Honey's chair. After an interesting night where half the night I couldn't roll over without flinging a kitten across the room, since they were both passed out between my knees, and the other half of the night having weird dreams about killer kitties and dead palmetto bugs, thanks to Saffron's first encounter with the beastly bugs at 2 AM this morning, I was incredibly jealous of the day they obviously had planned.

"They love you so much," Mr. Honey said. And I'd have to agree. Jinx and I have a morning routine of me carrying her around for a few minutes while she purrs and kneads on the inside of my elbow, and Saffron likes to weave around my ankles wherever I go in the house.

"It's so sweet. You're their queen," Mr. Honey continued. Then he sighed deeply, as though resigning himself to his fate of being less-than-the-queen, which we're both actually okay with, because neither of us wants him to dress up in velvet capes and adorn his head with the crown jewels of kittydom. "I'm just their bubba."

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is yet another example of why it's going to be so very good for us to move back north this summer.

Labels: kitty madness, Mr. Honey

Posted by Honey :: 8:48 AM :: 3 Comments:

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Friday, March 16, 2007

Rite of Spring in the South

We got a nice spring shower last night. I just love the smell of the rain right after it first hits the ground. It's all fresh and clean and, well, rainy-smelling.

This morning, on my morning walk, I came across several puddles that looked like sidewalk chalk run-off, as though all the neighbor kids had all been out drawing pictures on their driveways last night and the rain washed it all down to the street. But after 3 or 4 driveways, I realized it wasn't sidewalk chalk. It's pollen. Icky, nasty, turn-your-cars-green and plug-your-sinuses pollen.

I should've realized right away what it was. After all, Mr. Honey gave our cars their first pollen rinse-off of the season yesterday afternoon. The cherry blossom and pear trees have been in full bloom, which is absolutely gorgeous to the eyes but cringe-inducing for the nasal passages. Too bad we can't have gorgeous flowers without the pollen.

Anybody got any big weekend plans?

Posted by Honey :: 8:25 AM :: 1 Comments:

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Thursday, March 15, 2007

Cheater Cheater

This whole audio book thing has opened my eyes to who I really am: a Cheat Reader.

Despite the fact that I'm listening to the book, rather than reading it in paper and ink format, I find myself itching to flip forward a few pages to see what happens. To peek near the end, presumably to see how many pages long the book is, knowing I'll "accidentally" spy that happily ever after, to remind myself that the payoff is coming. Or I'll steal 3 minutes of reading time in between my shower and the time I have to leave for work in the morning, knowing I can re-read if I want, but not wanting to manipulate my iPod to rewind those three minutes once I get home again tonight and have time to devote all my attention to it. So I know what's coming. Because I can't wait to just let it happen all on its own.

It just gets worse every day. First I discover I'm a book whore, then I find I'm a cheat reader. It's a wonder I can live with myself.

P.S. Today's another holiday - Happy Ides of March! Why we celebrate Caesar's death-by-betrayal is beyond me, but if you've got a Little Caesar's nearby, why not pop in for a celebratory pizza lunch? That's what we always did in Latin class in high school, anyway. Yummy.
Er, maybe that's supposed to be Beware the Ides... I'll let you decide.

Labels: Holidays, reading

Posted by Honey :: 8:56 AM :: 4 Comments:

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Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Happy Pi Day!

Happy Pi Day! The geek in me demands a celebration, and so we'll commence with mathematical problems involving circumferences and areas of circles shortly.

For the less geeky out there, I should probably explain that today, March 14, written 3-14 in the US, is called Pi Day because pi is approximately 3.14. In engineering school, I knew a guy who told his girlfriend he wanted all his children to be born on Pi Day. We went so far as to calculate the exact time she'd have to deliver his kids in order to extend pi out to more precise digits... but there's no need to go into that today.

You can go here for more information.

I'll be back tomorrow, probably with a math hangover.

Labels: geek, Holidays

Posted by Honey :: 9:36 AM :: 2 Comments:

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Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Best Birthday Gift Ever - Or So Mr. Honey Thinks

For my birthday last week, Ellen, being the sweetheart that she is, bought me a copy of Susan Elizabeth Phillips' Natural Born Charmer in audiobook format. I downloaded it into my iPod, and Mr. Honey and I listened to the first half of it in the car over the weekend.

Once we got home, there was real work to be done. I tackled laundry while Mr. Honey went back to work on his masters classes. While I was wandering around the house doing basic housework, I had my iPod on and I started the second half of the story.

Last night, after dinner, I picked up the iPod again, and then realized my hands had nothing to do. I'm not a sit-and-do-nothing kind of person, so I folded the laundry while I listened. Once that was done, I wanted to listen to the book more, but I was kinda tired after the whole sleepwalking incident the night before, not to mention the effects of the weekend and daylight savings time. I figured if I just laid down on the bed to listen, I'd fall asleep, even though it was only 7:45 PM. Yep, I was that tired. So, instead of sitting still, I cleaned the bathroom.

I was halfway through when Mr. Honey realized what I was doing, even though I hardly noticed that I was scrubbing the toilet, because the book is that entertaining. He gave me the "turn off your story, I have something to say" gesture, so I paused the book. He grinned. "Looks like we need to get you more audiobooks."

So today, I say, "Thank you, Ellen, for giving me a pleasant way to clean my house." It might even sparkle before Natural Born Charmer is over. First time in a long time it'll be that clean, and we don't even have company coming over.

Posted by Honey :: 9:10 AM :: 4 Comments:

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Monday, March 12, 2007

Walking after Midnight

Mr. Honey and I spent the weekend in Charleston, SC, this weekend, visiting with a friend we haven't seen in a while. We did our share of overeating, barhopping, and driving, plus we got to take a horse-drawn carriage tour of downtown yesterday morning. There are some beautiful homes in Charleston, and Mr. Honey and I would both like to go back sometime and explore more of the area. As it was, we didn't have a lot of time for sightseeing. (BTW, I subjected him to the audio version of Susan Elizabeth Phillips' Natural Born Charmer in the car, and we're both loving it. He's mad at me now because I listened to another couple chapters on my own while I was doing laundry and cooking dinner.)

We got home yesterday afternoon around 5, went right to work doing laundry and unpacking, goofed off a bit, and finally got to bed around 10:30 last night.

Sometime in the middle of the night, I found myself standing outside a barn, waiting for someone to pass a kitten to me through a window overhead. As I reached to take it, I woke up and found myself with my hand wrapped around this chinese lantern-type wall sconce we have hanging over the bed.

I promptly dropped my hand, which caused the sconce to jump all around like it was alive, and the tealight inside it pinged and rattled and then jumped out to slide down the side of the wall. The kittens both jumped up, Jinx meowing and Saffron just looking for some attention. Mr. Honey jerked awake, too., and I was left explaining that once again, I'd been caught in a weird position in the middle of the night because of this weird tendency I have to sorta almost sleepwalk sometimes.

Mr. Honey's known about this special talent of mine for years. It's caused some weird crap in our lives. There was that time we were up late packing for a 6 AM flight to my best friend's wedding the next day, and we went to bed exhausted and then each woke up on the opposite side of the bed the next morning. And then there's the doozy of all dream/sleepwalk combos - the one where in my dreams, Mr. Honey's about to bite the big one, and only I can save him, if I can make my body move and my mouth work to warn him.

See, I was having this dream that Mr. Honey and I were walking through a castle, when out of nowhere, these axes started swinging from the cathedral ceiling. They were pendulums of doom, and Mr. Honey was about to get his head chopped off. So, I did what any sane, normal person would've done. I screamed. It might've been something like "Look out!" or it might've been just one of those horror-movie scared female yelps, but whatever I did, it was enough to wake Mr. Honey for real. He sat up, and I promptly yelled, "Don't sit up!" Mr. Honey, being used to taking orders from me, dropped down to his back and stared up at the ceiling, heart racing, taking stock of the situation. And then he realized I was dreaming, so he politely woke me up and assured me we were in no mortal danger. *sigh* My hero.

Did everybody else have a good weekend?

Posted by Honey :: 8:20 AM :: 3 Comments:

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Thursday, March 08, 2007

Three Meetings and a Bake Sale

I've been swamped at work this week. 3 big conferences all week, together with the little meeting here and there, and a bake sale to raise funds for Relay for Life, all combined have kept me hopping. I've passed out by 9 at least twice this week, and I've been having the weird dreams again.

Yesterday morning in my dream, I sneezed. Except it wasn't a normal sneeze. My nose had turned into a snot volcano. And it wouldn't stop. I thought I was going to drown. Tissues were no help. I was suffocating. And then I woke up. Thank goodness my nose was normal for real.

The other day, I dreamed Mr. Honey and I were moving to Germany. That was fun, but I don't know German, and I knew I'd be in over my head for a while.

This morning, I dreamed I was going to gym class. Yep, it was a "gone back to school" dream. The gym was in my old dorm room at college. And I was late, and I had a hard time getting the right equipment, and just as I thought I had it all, I realized the person who'd been helping me had really been doing nothing more than sabotaging all my efforts. Such a warm fuzzy feeling, you know?

Yesterday I had another dream that Mr. Honey and I were driving across the country. We got to a town where the hotels were across the river, and I looked down and realized our car had run out of gas. That wasn't freaky, until Mr. Honey commented at lunch yesterday that the low-fuel light had come on in the car on his way home.

So I figure the dreams are all happening because I'm feeling overwhelmed at work this week. I can't imagine why. Really, getting into work at 8 on a Thursday morning, and being told at 8:30 that someone has a complaint against me for not doing my job, is such a happy, comforting feeling. I love knowing that hard as I work, juggling everyone else's schedules and meetings and travel arrangements and keeping the coffee pot filled and managing community service fundraiser, someone feels obligated to tell me I should've checked the entire box of guest badges to make sure each and every one works on each and every door in the building before handing them out. The worst part? There were too many people around to respond with, "Yeah, well I've got a complaint against you, too. You're an asshole." Maybe I'll dream that tonight, and feel all warm and fuzzy again tomorrow.

Posted by Honey :: 8:52 AM :: 5 Comments:

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Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Who's a Super-Power Now?

Last week, a foreign graduate student at my alma mater made a bomb and anthrax threat that closed the entire campus down for a day. He was arraigned on six felony charges this week. I'm sure the students at the University of Missouri-Rolla are celebrating that the St. Pat's festivities will not be affected as planned, but I personally think the causes and implications of this threat are much bigger than anyone may realize.

Here's the deal: this international student decided he was going to commit police-assisted suicide because he was depressed, and he figured making terrorist threats was the best method of accomplishing his goals. Why, exactly, was he depressed? If the news reports are accurate, it's because he got the first 2 B's of his entire life. At 22 years old, he'd never gotten anything other than straight A's, even through earning his bachelor's degree in civil engineering.

Makes you wonder, doesn't it? If international students are coming in, learning side by side with American students and getting depressed over GPAs that fall below 4.0 while so many of the American students champion such phrases as "C is for Complete, D is for Done, 2.0 and go," how much longer will the US remain a superpower in the world? It's a good thing grades don't count for everything in life. Also makes you wonder if there's a reason so many technical call centers are now manned overseas. But that's enough social commentary for me today.

Hope you all get to partake in some green beverages this weekend. If you're lucky, it won't be green orange juice. Speaking from experience, all I can say is "Bleh!"

Posted by Honey :: 8:26 AM :: 2 Comments:

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Monday, March 05, 2007

Gotta Love Mr. Honey

We were driving to the zoo yesterday when Mr. Honey turned to me and said, "I think we should give our kids goldfish so they'll learn about death."

I'll let you all know how that turns out. You know, in 15 years or so.

Posted by Honey :: 3:06 PM :: 2 Comments:

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Sunday, March 04, 2007

Spoiled Rotten

Mr. Honey took me to Atlanta for my birthday this weekend. We went to the aquarium, took a trip to REI, ate at the most incredible restaurant I've ever been to, walked a real mall, saw a Tony-award winning musical at the theater, and then capped it all off with room service this morning and a trip to the zoo to see the baby panda. Life is definitely good. And did I mention Mr. Honey arranged a lunar eclipse, just for me?

I'd been to the Georgia Aquarium before, last summer with my friends Kristen and Aura. We had a good time then, and Mr. Honey and I enjoyed it this weekend as well. It was a little crowded for my tastes, and the otters were sleeping (they were incredibly amusing last summer), but it was good for Mr. Honey to see the aquarium before we leave Georgia.

Then we went to REI, which is Mr. Honey's favorite store in the whole entire world. He got himself a pair of shoes, and I got a pair of sandals, a pair of pants, and a workout shirt. I know - boring. I should've taken advantage of the fact that Mr. Honey wouldn't deny me a thing over my birthday weekend. Maybe I should've asked for a pony...

After checking into the hotel and taking a short nap, we headed up to Fogo de Chao, which is the most fantastic restaurant I think I've ever been to. It's a Brazilian place that offers meat, meat, and more meat, on top of the most sophisticated salad bar I've ever seen. They had fresh mozzerella on the salad bar! And triangles of swiss cheese! (Are you sensing a theme?) They also had these incredible fried bananas, and the service was the best we've ever had while on land. (Cruise ship service has always been exceptional, and we just assumed nothing in the States could ever top that. We may have been proven wrong.) But back to the meat - and oh, boy, was there meat! I think I ate a full pound of filet mignon. See, at Fogo, the servers bring around skewers of meat and carve off as much as you'd like, of anything you'd like, right there at your table. When all was said and done, I'm fairly certain I ate enough red meat to get me through the next two weeks. Yup, it hurt. But did I care? Heck, no! Calories don't count on your birthday. Especially when the wait staff writes "Happy Birthday" on the plate bearing your molten chocolate lava cake for a dessert that you really don't need and probably don't have room for, but are going to eat anyway because you don't get to eat at Fogo de Chao every night. It's been over 24 hours since I ate that, and I'm not sure I've been hungry since.

But moving on....

Mr. Honey and I took a trip to a real mall, which is quite a treat. After living in Minneapolis for a year, my standards are pretty high. Mall of America and all, you know? Middle Georgia can't compete. Atlanta can, though. We walked the Lenox Square Mall after dinner, and we even went into an Apple store! How cool is that? The sophistication might not wear off me for another 2 days, just for having gone into the store. Oh, no, wait. That's the side effects from dinner. My bad. (Oh, and for those who care about such things, the mall had a Coach store, a Burberry store, a Louis Viutton store, a Godiva store, and a Discovery Channel store. We don't get that sort of thing here in the boonies.)

After the mall, we went to the Fox Theater in downtown Atlanta. I love that theater - it's just so neat. The stage looks like it's set into an 18th-century castle, and the adornments all over are so cool. Plus the ceiling is lit to look like the sky, which is double cool in my estimation. Which reminds me, on the way to the Fox, Mr. Honey and I spied the lunar eclipse. Totally cool. And that Tony-award winning show we went to see?

Monty Python's Spamalot.

It. Was. Fabulous.

I laughed so hard in the first act, I thought my steak-filled belly was going to jiggle right out of me and fall to the floor. But it didn't. And the show was all that I've ever loved about Monty Python and more. Absolutely hilarious. And it was sheer luck that it was playing during my birthday weekend. We loved it.

This morning, we got up and went to the Atlanta Zoo and saw Mei Lan, the baby giant panda. (Anybody else think "baby giant panda" is funny?) She was sleeping, which wasn't a big surprise, considering Tai Shan was also sleeping when we saw him in DC last year. But she was cute, and I got within 20 feet of her (though she was behind a glass enclosure), so that's one more thing to check off my "must-do-before-we-move" list.

We made a trip to Whole Foods on our way out of town. I'd never been there before, so it was pretty cool, too. Just like a grocery store, only cooler. You could tell because they had those nifty double-decker hand-cart carrier things. Plus everything's organic. Way 21st century. ;)

Hope everyone else had a wonderful weekend!

Labels: Atlanta, Holidays

Posted by Honey :: 8:58 PM :: 4 Comments:

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Saturday, March 03, 2007

Today's a Holiday

I'm declaring today "National Check Your Blinker Day."

It's just so sad how many people's blinker lights are out, and they don't even realize it. Some people are even missing both blinker lights. It's a sad state of affairs. Take today, and remember your blinkers.

Happy Saturday!

Posted by Honey :: 7:37 AM :: 2 Comments:

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