Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Names and Places

I'm looking for a few good names for a story I'm pantsing. Since I'm pantsing it, and thinking of names is sometimes the hardest part of the story (I swear that's why pregnancy lasts 9 months), I'm inserting placeholder names like "Mr. Big Wig" and "The Other Woman" and "The Co-conspirator". Obviously I can't leave it like this. Any ideas? I need 'em all - good guys, bad guys, good girls, and bad girls. :)

On a side note, if anyone can think of a great way to encourage companies to not use stupid commercials to advertise their products, speak up! Maybe old age has made me impatient, but if I hear one more commercial on the radio for sausage biscuits that aren't $50, not $100, but 75 cents, I'm going to personally march down to my nearest whatever-restaurant-that-advertises-that-is and put a sign in their window announcing, "Don't Shop Here Until I Get A Better Advertising Campaign." I'm not opposed to smart advertising. I am opposed to annoying, obnoxious yelling in advertising that treats the average consumer like an idiot. Maybe I should go live in a commune somewhere. Do those still exist?

And while we're on the topic of advertising, if I get one more call/voicemail on my cell phone that isn't a solicitation, but a "business opportunity", I'm going to exercise my first amendment rights on their supervisors and then on their supervisors' supervisors. Anybody with me?

Posted by Honey :: 6:38 PM :: 1 Comments:

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Monday, May 29, 2006

They've Animated Me

Mr. Honey and I went to see Over the Hedge last night with some friends. It was a little slow in some places and hilarious in others. Over the course of the movie, I came to realize the animators must have tapped into my personality and life to come up with one of the characters. Of course, they changed things and made the character male so I wouldn't catch on, but I'm a smart cookie. I figured it out anyway. Everyone, meet Hammy. He's like me, only he's now famous because he's on the big screen and Steve Carell did his voice. Hammy, meet everyone.



Now, on the surface we might not look anything alike. (For those of you not convinced, I promise I'm not really a squirrel. I am kinda nuts, though.) But let me promise you, Hammy and I have a ton in common. See, in the movie there's this racoon. His name's RJ.
RJ is trouble. He introduces Hammy and family to the joys of people food. Including the movie version of Dr. Pepper. Except the family is wise enough to take the Dr. Pepper away from Hammy. He's hyper enough without it. All I'm gonna say is, when Hammy finally gets to try his Dr. Pepper equivalent, he goes nuts. And it's hilarious. And I love Hammy to death. He's my new hero (right behind Mr. Honey, of course).

So, if you'd like to see an animated version of me, go see Over the Hedge. Or wait until it comes out on DVD and then have a big party and invite all your friends over and tell them when Hammy appears on the screen, "They used my friend Honey's personality when they created Hammy." Really. They'll believe you. I promise.

Posted by Honey :: 12:44 PM :: 2 Comments:

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Bummer

Your Linguistic Profile::

85% General American English

5% Dixie

5% Yankee

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Huh... I thought I'd be unique. Instead I'm "General American English". What a cop-out. :) And what happened to the other 5%?

What are you?

Posted by Honey :: 3:29 PM :: 4 Comments:

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Monday, May 22, 2006

What a way to start a Monday

Last week was a particularly trying week in my life, and this week looks like a rollercoaster in the making. So when my alarm went off this morning, I did what any sane person facing a Monday morning would do. I hit snooze.

But duty pulled me from my bed 15 minutes later (Mr. Honey will tell you this is actually 15 minutes earlier than usual). I stumbled into the bathroom, grabbed my normal morning handful of vitamins and sinus/allergy medicine, and went to the kitchen to wash 'em down with a cup of water. Then I made myself my normal bowl of cereal and went to the office to eat at my desk while Mr. Honey played at his desk.

And that's when it happened.

Like every other morning, I was mindlessly shoveling spoonful after spoonful of raisin nut bran into my mouth when something out of the ordinary happened. Somehow I'd managed to overload my spoon and stick it too far into my mouth, causing cereal to fall into my throat before I'd had a chance to chew. I had one of those moments where I knew I'd made a mistake, but it was too late to stop it and not soon enough to fix it.

Lucky for me, there was a simple solution: just swallow it whole. It sounded a little bit like, "hrrrglruurrrp," but it cleared my throat right up. It also alarmed Mr. Honey to the fact that something just wasn't right.

"What was that?" he asked.

"Premature swallowing," I answered.

He just sorta stared at me for a minute.

"I took too big of a bite and had to clear my throat," I explained.

He snickered. "Life is never dull with you around, you know that?"

He was rewarded with a rare sight: I smiled at him before I'd finished my breakfast. "Yeah. Thanks."

So now that I've survived premature swallowing, I'm pretty certain the rest of the week will be a breeze.

Posted by Honey :: 7:45 AM :: 2 Comments:

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Friday, May 19, 2006

Where I'd like to spend my weekend

Happy Friday! Today I present you with my favorite picture from our October 2004 Kauai trip. Just a little past this grove of coconut trees, on a white sandy beach listening to the ocean waves frolicking about, is where I'd like to spend my weekend. How about you? Where would you like to spend your weekend?

Posted by Honey :: 7:50 AM :: 3 Comments:

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Thursday, May 18, 2006

Nose Hairs

If you're offended by discussions of nose hairs, please stop reading now. Thank you.

Now if you're still with me, have you ever wondered just what the point of having nose hairs is? Society dictates that it's not stylish to walk around with your nose hairs hanging out of your nostrils, so it's necessary to do some upkeep in that area from time to time lest you be labeled "unhygienic" (or however you spell that...) or, more likely, just plain "gross". The same apparently applies to old men and ear hairs.

I think historically nose hairs have served as a natural filter for the sinuses, keeping the nasty pollen and dust stuff out of our noses while at the same time trapping snot from falling randomly during important business meetings. Unfortunately, when you live in the south during allergy season (also known as the time between January and November), those nose hairs just can't cut the pollen. So, man invented Claritin, and all was well. Next we'll evolve to the point that the interior of our noses are as smooth as a baby's bottom, and our bodies will naturally produce Claritin.

Until then, every once in a while, those nose hairs get their panties in a bunch, and they get all twisted up about something. And then they tickle. Good lord, do they tickle. In fact, they tickle the snot out of the inside of my nose. And how do you discreetly fix that while working in a window office, especially when your window is on the ground level, not 10 yards from the second busiest street in town? Simple. You climb under your desk with a box of tissues and your nose scratcher** and take care of it there. Duh. And when your coworkers walk by and ask what you're doing under your desk, the only appropriate response, naturally, is the following: "I'm cleaning the aliens out of my sinuses. They like dark, dusty areas. We'll be with you in a moment."

And when the nice men in white jackets come knocking on your door, you simply sic your errant nose hairs on them. Problem solved.

**I have yet to see a commercial nose scratcher, aka a nose hair comb. It is, as of now, a figment of my imagination, but if you should notice one, please let me know immediately. No, I wouldn't like to borrow your finger. That's disgusting.

Posted by Honey :: 12:48 PM :: 2 Comments:

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Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Suicidal Hornets

I'm considering skipping my afternoon walk today. For one thing, I haven't broken in the shoes I'm wearing today, so my feet hurt. For another, there's a crazy hornet flying around outside my window. No, actually, he's flying into my window. Repeatedly.

I wonder what could be so bad in the hornet's life that would compel him to bash his head into my window over and over again. Judging by the reverberations every time he hits, I'd bet the damage isn't isolated to just his head, either. Whatever his problem is, it must be horrific. Maybe Mrs. Hornet is mad at him for not doing the dishes and he just can't take the buzzzing about it anymore. Maybe his kids still haven't learned that cars are bigger than wasps. Or maybe his mother-in-law is buzzzing by for a "quick" visit. Does time move slower for little things like hornets?

Regardless of what his problem might be, I think I'll take his collisions with my window as a sign that it's not safe beyond the walls of my office building, and I'll stay inside this afternoon. After I get another piece of cake leftover from our luncheon today, that is.

Posted by Honey :: 2:01 PM :: 3 Comments:

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Life is Good

Fuzzy Cookie Monster Socks and Happy Pants. Who could ask for anything more?

Posted by Honey :: 6:26 AM :: 4 Comments:

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Monday, May 15, 2006

Mr. Honey, My Hero

I confess, sometimes I take the people in my life for granted. But Mr. Honey was such a sweetheart this weekend while I was a girly-girl pain in the ass. So I thought I'd share this morning.

Living in the south has brought some unwelcome guests into our lives, in the form of these gigantic flying cockroach-type bugs affectionately known as "palmetto bugs" in this neck of the woods. They're as big as my thumb, and they've been known to get into our house from time to time. And the bastards don't even offer to pay rent. The bug guys insist they live outside and only occasionally come inside when looking for something, or maybe to get out of the rain.

I have to wonder exactly what the one last night was looking for. I caught him crawling on the curtain in our bedroom. Last I checked, we don't eat in the bedroom. In fact, when you think about what happens in the bedroom, this little bugger was either looking for a nice cozy place to sleep, or he was one horny little creep. But his intentions didn't matter too much to me. I was more concerned with squealing like a girl and hollering for Mr. Honey to come take care of it. Since this was the second bug of the night, and the second time I'd reacted this way, I was treated to a couple eyerolls and questioned about what I'd do if I found a big bug when my big strong Mr. Honey wasn't around to take care of it for me. Simple enough, I said. Raid and a vacuum.

I killed a bug on my toilet seat once with Raid. Idiot bug. I warned him that if he wasn't gone by the time I got back to the bathroom with the can of Raid, he'd be toasted and flushed, but he didn't listen. Bye-bye, Mr. Cockroach-Cousin. Then I had to scrub my toilet seat, obviously, but that's better than having any contact with the bug, first- or second-hand.

Anyway, I just wanted to say a big Thank You to Mr. Honey for taking care of me during my silly, bug-hating, screaming bloody murder over nothing, girly-girl moments. A girl like me couldn't ask for any more. ;)

Happy Monday!

Posted by Honey :: 8:14 AM :: 2 Comments:

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Friday, May 12, 2006

Excuse me, have you seen my banana?

I dropped my banana somewhere between my car and my office when I got into work this morning. I figure that's either a very good sign, or a very bad sign. I'll let you know after I eat the banana, since I backtracked and found it again. Interesting way to start a Friday, eh?

In other news, I've been pondering yet another "Why?" question. Today's question is a real head-smacker, a Homer Simpson "doh!"-er.

Why invest hundreds of dollars in ergonomic chairs, if the desks with which the chairs are to be paired, have no redeeming ergonomic qualities? It's great that I can adjust my chair 1600 ways to Sunday, but I can't adjust it to fit the level of my keyboard tray, nor can I adjust the keyboard tray to the proper height. So, rather than helping me, the ergonomic chair is making me keenly aware that there's very little I can do to improve the "proper positioning" of my workstation. Anybody else ever have this problem?

Happy Friday! Is it really Friday? Mr. Honey and I aren't sure. He has his own reasons, of course, which I'm quite sure he's already blogged about today.

Update for the day: It's noon, I've eaten my lost banana (not ripe enough), saved a toppled container of creamer (but not before a small mess had been made - and no, Mr. Honey, I wasn't the one who toppled it), dropped my keys, dropped my ID, and now I've dropped a bite of my lunch on the floor. Moral of the story: Don't let me hold anything you're not willing to pick up off the floor today.

Posted by Honey :: 7:21 AM :: 7 Comments:

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Thursday, May 11, 2006

Good Morning, Sunshine!

Yes! I can see it peeking through the clouds. Finally, our sun has come back out to play. Looks like we've got a few more hours of overcast skies until Ms. Sunshine comes back for the long haul, but it'll be worth the wait.

It's been cloudy here since the beginning of the week. The weather's taking its toll on people around here, too. It's so funny, how a couple days without sunshine make people cranky, depressed, withdrawn. It's been a while since I've noticed so many forlorn faces. But our sunshine is coming back, so shiny happy people should follow behind soon.

Woo-hoo! Happy Thursday!

Posted by Honey :: 10:25 AM :: 3 Comments:

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Tuesday, May 09, 2006

That's a First...

Mr. Honey and I were both uninspired when it came to planning and making dinner tonight, so we ordered pizza instead. Then we flipped a coin to see who'd get the honors of picking up dinner. I won. Or lost, however you want to look at it. So, I went down to our friendly local Pizza Hut and picked up dinner.

On the way home, my car was assaulted by a bird. Yeah, I know. Shit happens. Except shit didn't happen. The bird happened. My car was literally assaulted by the bird. No, I don't mean I hit the bird. I'm telling you, that bird hit me. I know this because I saw it swooping down toward my car, felt my heart palpitations as it drew nearer and nearer to the passenger side of my windshield, heard the thump, and from my rearview mirror witnessed the feathers floating behind me. I also noticed the bird continuing on its merry way across the road, probably hurt, but there's not much I could do for the bird when I was in decent traffic clipping along at 50 mph and it was taking refuge in a heavily wooded area.

When I pulled into our driveway, Mr. Honey met me at my car door, oblivious to the fact that I'd been assaulted. So, I enlightened him. And he said, "Sorry, babe. At least it didn't leave blood. Can I have the pizza?" Gotta love him.

I take solace in the fact that I didn't pull a JD, though. JD is a friend of ours from college. She was driving home on a rural Midwestern road about 10 years ago and also was assaulted by a bird. Problem was, the bird attacked her radio antenna. At 55 mph. Guess you could say the bird lost his head when he made that decision. And let me tell you, I was only too happy to hear the story afterwards and not get roped into that clean-up effort. So it could've been worse. For me, and the bird.

Posted by Honey :: 8:21 PM :: 4 Comments:

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Tell me a happy story!

Life's been kinda blah lately. Death, divorce, sickness, stupidity, you name it, it's coming out the woodwork here. So, I'm looking for some happy news, something to smile about. I'll start. Feel free to jump in with your own happy thoughts.

Mr. Honey is a doll. He made me donuts for breakfast Saturday and Sunday.

It's strawberry season. I brought fresh cut strawberries and extra-creamy cool whip to work yesterday and today for a snack. Yummy. It's like heaven in Tupperware.

One of my friends with a new baby got enough sleep last night.

Even though it's kinda cold, we're getting rain these days, which my flowers just love.

Speaking of flowers, my snapdragons are blooming again! I snipped the tops off to get them to bush out, and they're bushing and blooming and flourishing. I love snapdragons. :)

I finished my to-be-shredded stack this morning.

Your turn! What's good in your life today?

Posted by Honey :: 8:59 AM :: 6 Comments:

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Monday, May 08, 2006

The Why Chronicles, Volume II

I made an observation last week that I can't stop thinking about. By now, you know I'm a big geek. So you're probably a little worried about what sort of observations I might be pondering. Before I go any further, let me assure you my observation had nothing to do with mathematics, the laws of physics, or Ellen's brain teasers. It had to do with doorways.

Have you ever noticed that people tend to gravitate towards doorways? There can be a totally empty room with tons of space for three people to gather and discuss politics, religion, or Lindsay Lohan's latest hair color choice, and inevitably those three people will choose instead to stand in the doorway thus blocking anyone else from moving smoothly through that doorway.

Why is that? Does it go back to an instinctual need to be able to make a quick exit when an less-than-fashionable colleague decides to join the conversation? Is it because wide open empty rooms cause claustrophobia? Or does everyone suffer from stick-out-like-a-sore-thumb-osis? Do these people get off on being asked, "Please excuse me," by other people looking to make use of the doorway's intended purpose? Do they just not notice that they're standing in the doorway? Or maybe there really is a law of physics that deals with the gravitational pull of the earth's doorways.

I'm kinda clueless here. Anybody else got a good idea why this might happen?

Posted by Honey :: 10:16 AM :: 2 Comments:

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Friday, May 05, 2006

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

Woo-hoo! Tacos and Tequila for breakfast!

Um, or not. :)

But we can have a good old fashioned fiesta anyway. What's your favorite Mexican food, place, sombrero, anything?

My favorite Cinco de Mayo was one year ago. I went with neighbor friends to Moe's and had an almost great time. Somebody's feelings got hurt, somebody else got tequila in the eye, a couple tacos were tossed around and I had to wash queso dip out of my hair. Okay, not really. But I like Moe's food and I'll take any opportunity to go eat it. Even if tequila makes her clothes fall off.

What're your plans for today?

Posted by Honey :: 7:47 AM :: 4 Comments:

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Thursday, May 04, 2006

Mocking Mother Nature

We had our first summer afternoon thunderstorm yesterday. It was wonderful.

I love thunderstorms, especially at night when I'm curled up in bed under warm covers and the lightning flashes inside followed soon by that loud boom of thunder, and I remember how safe I am and how powerful Mother Nature is. In the summertime, when the humidity is right and the temperature is hotter than hell, thunderstorms form nearly every afternoon, about the time I'm planning on walking out the door to head home. Karma, or Mother Nature's idea of a joke? Take your pick.

Yesterday on my drive home from the doctor's office (Claritin, take me away), I noticed the big fluffy clouds. Fifteen minutes later, I noticed the big dark fluffy clouds. I called Mr. Honey to talk about my doctor appointment, and told him he should come home right away or risk biking home in the rain. (Mr. Honey is both in great shape and environmentally conscious.) And then I heard distant thunder. Mr. Honey said he'd come right home, but then got interrupted by a phone call he had to take at work. So, I assumed he'd stay at work until the storm passed.

Ten minutes later, I peeked out the window to find a straggly gray mist gently dropping a few raindrops on our driveway. Since I planted my flowers three weeks ago (and would have to water them later if we didn't get more rain), I was not impressed. "Aw, come on," I said to Mother Nature. "You can do better than that. This is weak. You really think this qualifies as an afternoon thunderstorm?"

She answered me with a weak growl of thunder. I snickered at her incompetence and went back inside to read.

Fast forward five minutes, and it's obvious I've offended her. Rain was crashing down in buckets. The wind was whipping the highest tree branches about like twigs. And I loved it. Loved the smell, the sudden drop in temperature, the gentle mist rolling off the pouring rain. So I took my book outside and plopped down on the hammock in our carport.

I was feeling pretty cocky that I'd tricked Mother Nature into giving me exactly the storm I wanted, with torrential rains and true booming thunder while I stayed nice and dry under the carport. So, she sent a massive gust of wind to spray a heavy sheet of mist over me and my book. I got the hint - don't mock Mother Nature and expect to get away with it. I climbed out of the hammock and stood in the little alcove by our door, shielded from the rain and wind, and giggled as the storm rolled on around me.

And then this crazy figure on a bicycle flew up my driveway. Yup. Mr. Honey had taken my advice and left work right before the thunderstorm broke loose, right before I'd mocked Mother Nature into raining harder. Poor guy was soaked. But he was in good spirits. He kinda rolled his eyes when I confessed to taunting the rain on, but it's been a while since he's gotten caught in a rainstorm. Given the lack of rain we've had this spring, I really don't think he minded too much. But he might chime in here with a different opinion. ;)

On a side note, Mr. Honey ate his popcorn with chopsticks tonight. He claims it makes him eat slower. I thought it was cute as all hell. :)

Posted by Honey :: 6:54 AM :: 5 Comments:

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Wednesday, May 03, 2006

8 Personalities, all Type B+

Ellen brought up the subject of Type A personalities yesterday, which reminded me of something I've pondered from time to time lately, especially after discovering that I have 8 personalities based on the Myers-Briggs profile. We all know what a Type A personality is, but what are the other personality types? What am I?

I've shoved geeky Maud back into her dark computer room in order to bring you this non-scientific answer: Blogthings to the rescue!

You Have A Type B+ Personality

B+ You're a pro at going with the flow You love to kick back and take in everything life has to offer A total joy to be around, people crave your stability. While you're totally laid back, you can have bouts of hyperactivity. Get into a project you love, and you won't stop until it's done You're passionate - just selective about your passions

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

So, we now have Type A and Type B+. What else is there? What are you?

Posted by Honey :: 9:00 AM :: 8 Comments:

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Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Ta-Da!

A special treat today - a picture of the TV stand that Mr. Honey built.



Oh, yeah, and also a picture of the TV, with quite a fine specimen on display within it. K, Mr. Honey took this picture just for you.

Posted by Honey :: 8:33 AM :: 4 Comments:

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Monday, May 01, 2006

Monday Monday

Well, this is my 100th post. To celebrate, I present to you the history of laughter, also known as farting and falling down.

Probably a joke, but it gave me a good chuckle. Makes you wonder, doesn't it? If there was a time once when we couldn't laugh, what could we possibly evolve to be able to do in the next 2 million years? I'm very curious what you all might think about that.

Posted by Honey :: 3:55 PM :: 2 Comments:

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